


Of The Sun and the Moon

by orphan_account



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, M/M, Masturbation, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Smut, Mind Games, Minor Violence, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Torture, Personal Growth, Post-Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest, Praise Kink, Rare Pairings, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 18:07:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10392909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Niles and Tsubaki have more in common than they want to admit, and can learn more from one another than they would ever have imagined.





	1. Tenuous

Tsubaki knew someone was following him.

He had an idea of who the ‘somebody’ was for reasons he would never particularly care to admit to anyone, most of all himself. Saying the words, thinking them in any logical, obvious fashion meant that he might just be developing some unfortunate tendencies.

Tendencies he certainly couldn’t afford to continue.

He lifted his chin in defiance to his own traitorous thoughts, hefted his pike onto one shoulder and paced toward a small outbuilding where discarded halberds, bows and axes awaited repairs. He curled his fingers around the haft of his own weapon--in excellent condition, of course--and watched the skin over his knuckles stretch.

Tsubaki sensed the presence at his back stronger than before. He fashioned his lips into a polite smile and paused to angle a look over his shoulder.

“Ah, it's  _you_ ,” he heard himself say, the words sounding harsh even to his own ears.

Niles, retainer to the Nohrian mage-prince Leo froze mid-lunge, drawing to his full height in a surprisingly graceful movement. He fixed his inscrutable, one-eyed gaze on Tsubaki then shrugged in a gesture of resignation.

“Tsubaki the Prince of Perfection.”

“Niles of Nohr. Wretched as ever, I take it?”

“As ever.” Niles’ attention lingered for a moment on Tsubaki’s pike before the other man smiled slowly, the toothy grin of a predator. He padded two steps closer to Tsubaki then affected a bored little wave of his left hand, the glint of dagger in his right almost too quick to be noticeable.

 _Almost. He forgets with whom he’s dealing_ , Tsubaki thought. Then, _He is like a cat. A fight-scarred alley cat._

Though perhaps the Nohrian knew exactly who he was up against, and was teasing, allowing the Hoshidan sky-knight to feel just the slightest prickle of danger for his own amusement. That sort of bravery or idiocy, well...Tsubaki would yet again be lying to himself if he pretended it didn’t intrigue him. He watched the well-hidden tension in the other man’s body unspool as Niles shifted his weight fully onto his right foot. Sunlight gleamed through a slat in the structure where they stood, painting half of Tsubaki’s face in gold. Niles remained in the shadow, fingers sliding away from the blade at his side.

“I see that yet again you have more time on your hands than is good for you,” Tsubaki said, tone light. “Has your lord no work to occupy you these days?”

“What makes you think I am not working?” Niles answered without hesitation. “But I'm a good boy. I see to all of my duties before I come out to play. You think for a moment that Lord Leo would tolerate otherwise?” Niles’ wolf’s smile faded into something unmistakably mirthless.

“Your lord’s needs must be few,” Tsubaki observed smoothly, loosening his grip on his pike just a little. A sudden breeze stirred the scarlet ribbon his liege, Lady Sakura, had the other day tied to the haft of his weapon in just one more of the young princess's myriad acts of kindness. The flower-scented wind teased a lock of Tsubaki’s glossy red hair over one cheek and wreaked lovely havoc in Niles’ moonlight-white mop.

“You know nothing of a lord’s needs, pretty little Camellia.” The taunt fell easily from Niles’ tongue.

Tsubaki watched him, a jolt of discomfort low in his belly as he noticed how, even unkempt, the other man’s pale hair gleamed with an effortless luster, all the more dramatic where the locks cascaded over warm brown skin.

“Liking what you see?” Niles murmured conspiratorially as he edged into the sunlit patch of ground where Tsubaki stood.

“We’ve moved on to pleasantries, then?” Tsubaki deflected the other man’s leer with cool politeness.

“There’s nothing terribly pleasant about this exchange. Not at the moment, anyhow.” Niles let one large brown hand fall to his waist, index finger tracing the simple sheath of his dagger. “You’ve gone and spoiled my fun, depriving me the pleasure of seeing that so very _perfect_ face twisted in pain.”

Tsubaki fought away the shudder that threatened to tear through his body at the backhanded compliment and not so backhanded threat.

“Ah. There it is,” Tsubaki chuckled--a sound he had to force from his throat onto lips, practiced, hiding anything he did not need the other man to see. “I thought it odd you’d not yet mentioned my ‘eminently punchable’ face.” Tsubaki paused, then leaned forward, so close to the other man that pinpricks of danger skittered up and down his arms. “You really _would_ stab me in the back, then?” His smile didn’t falter, He relaxed his posture even further, laying his pike on his shoulder, his other hand dropping to his hip.

Niles blinked. He was quiet for a moment, wetting lips that Tsubaki was ashamed to notice as full and well-shaped with a tongue he was unable to _not_ imagine sliding over his own skin.

The sky-knight shivered, just a little. Niles obviously noticed because now he flashed Tsubaki a small, secret smile that was somehow more real than his earlier leers.

“Maybe?” Niles replied simply, infuriatingly. He moved in a blur, crowding into Tsubaki’s personal space. “Or perhaps not. A man should not give away all of his secrets, lovely.”

Tsubaki could just for the briefest moment feel the other man’s body heat, smell a hint of something spicy, foresty--maybe soap, or the fresh air on Niles’ skin, in his hair and clothes.

He opened his mouth to reply but Niles had already stepped away, boots making no noise in the packed dirt--only a slight but deliberate shove of shoulder to shoulder as the Nohrian left Tsubaki standing frustrated, confused, unable to remember what he had wanted to say in the first place.

*

Niles lay on his back gazing towards but not really looking at the stars. For some reason, he could not focus on anything for long tonight. His mind was a nervous thing darting through shadows. Everything felt wrong. It was so warm outside...much warmer than he was used to. He’d swear that snow fell from the clear, velvet-dark skies but when the specks of white found him, lodging in the folds of his clothing, tickling at his face, they were warm to the touch... _flower petals_.

 _Even the very air I breathe has to remind me of_ him _._

Beneath his perch on a high bluff hidden by a tangled hedgerow, he could hear the combined armies of Hoshido and Nohr going about their evening business, this odd sort of peace between women and men who were so recently enemies.

Niles was not as fazed as many of his comrades at the idea of working so closely with Hoshidans. Assets were assets, and nobody was anymore to be trusted than any other when it came right down to it. He wanted to believe that peace was a possible thing but he was jaded, broken--he knew this.

And he wasn’t the only one.

_He is a broken vessel hidden behind a perfect, painted-on facade._

_I want to chip away at that paint. I want to see the ruin beneath the lie._

Niles bunched his cloak tighter about his chest despite the warmth of the night. His work for Lord Leo was completed, Odin had insisted on taking evening duties for his own Odin-y reasons and Niles was left to his own devices, thinking thoughts he should not have been. Thoughts like _these_ , that only made him more violently want to dismantle him--Tsubaki. The camellia in bloom, the man who walked in the sun and carried the deepest cold in his heart.

Niles closed his eye. This brooding was not like him. Maybe he _did_ have too much time on his hands.

He had barely given himself a moment to properly revel in the disgust that admitting Tsubaki might be right about something had washed over him when a hiss of air sounded from above him. Niles leaped upright, his bow readied and an arrow nocked by pure instinct.

“Well, look at what I have found. I thought you were a ruffian. Oh wait, I was right--” A voice taunted from just out of reach, heralded by a powerful whoosh of feathered wing and soft whickering. Niles looked up to see Tsubaki mounted on his pegasus, in full armor, hovering above where he had been minding his own business.

“You came looking for me, Camellia? I’m flattered.”

Tsubaki laughed, a sound that was too musical to be allowed. “Don’t be. I’m on watch. Unlike you, apparently, I am duty-bound to keep the camp--even our Nohrian counterparts--safe.”

“I was on early watch while you were still ass-deep in that beauty sleep you’re so fond of,” Niles bit back, the creak of his bowstring loud in the quiet. He peered up, a nasty smile replacing his scowl as he let an arrow loose just wide of Tsubaki’s head.

Rage colored the other man’s features for a breath of a second. Even though Tsubaki was above him, Niles could see he had angered the Hoshidan.

_He didn’t think I’d do it..._

“Oops, I missed,” Niles drawled, fully knowing Tsubaki would see through his lie.

Tsubaki landed the pegasus and was dismounted, pike-tip pressed into the already fraying fabric of his favorite (if threadbare from age) blue cloak, threatening to gore his heart clean through. Niles let his bow slide from his grip and land on the ground by his feet.

“ _I_ didn’t miss,” Tsubaki replied softly, jabbing the weapon with the flat end of its blade just enough to leave a bruise before letting it fall to the ground with a thud next to Niles' bow. “I have a reputation for perfection to maintain, after all...for whatever such a thing is worth.”

Niles blinked, surprised. Tsubaki willingly disarming himself after this little dance was not what he expected and the self-deprecating comment even less so.

“Prefer to attend to me with your bare hands? I’ll admit, that _is_ appeali--” Niles started and the words were knocked off his tongue as the other man lunged, tackling him to the grass.

“Shut your mouth,” Tsubaki threatened through clenched teeth from where he straddled over Niles’ chest.

Niles complied. The warning look on Tsubaki’s face was enough to fascinate him into obeisance and it wasn’t like he could easily move...how such a slender man as Tsubaki, even strongly muscled, could be so heavy was a mystery. He looked up and something knifed through his gut, through his heart--a phantom pain, a feeling. Something hot and cold and ugly, too big to contain. Tsubaki gazed down at him, implacable, the faintest crease between his stupidly perfect eyebrows.

The pit of snakes in Niles’ belly writhed with a vengeance. To see the other man worried, his poise shattered...it was bliss. It was _unfair_.

 _I got to him_. _I got down deep. It’s too beautiful to be allowed._

Neither of them said anything for several long moments in which Niles was forced to stare up at copper hair crowned by a starlit spring sky. Moments in which he could hear the other man’s breath hitch, in which the pressure of Tsubaki’s fingers on his wrists was so unbearably delicious that wave after wave of heat coursed through his core, waves he struggled to hide behind his laziest smile.

Niles could not take it any longer.

“You like being in control, don’t you, Camellia? Helps you to be perfect, right?” Niles whispered, jerking his hips suggestively beneath the other man, fighting to get a rise, to do anything to get some space between them or better/worse yet, draw Tsubaki closer.

“I…” Tsubaki looked almost flustered for a heartbeat then Niles was outright stunned to feel hands far stronger than he’d ever imagined, more calloused than he’d dreamed, nearly crush his wrists.

“What, Tsubaki?” Niles muttered breathily, using the other man’s proper name.

“I...yes, I have a hard time letting go of the tiniest bit of control, _usually_. This is...new.” Tsubaki’s reply was husky, the last word low in the sky knight’s chest. He leaned forward a little, heavy on Niles’ chest, the heat between his legs pressed exactly where Niles could do nothing about it. “I do not want you of all people to be right about me, _ever_. I do not want you to know the first thing about me,” Tsubaki added, the words icy.

"Too late for that." Niles stretched the fingers of his right hand so that he could just barely touch Tsubaki’s fingers. Tsubaki did not pull away or retaliate. Instead, the sky knight slid his own hand closer, allowing Niles to awkwardly grip him back. The crease reappeared between the other man's brows even deeper than before. Tsubaki tilted his head, watching Niles with much the same expression as a cat would a mouse it was too lazy to pounce upon, a stubbornly loose strand of cinnamon hair floating over that beautiful face.

_He is enjoying this. He wanted this as much as I did._

“You’re showing me that you are _broken_. Tsubaki the Perfect is shattered. Like some sickly sweet pastry iced pretty on the outside and inside, all broken glass and blades.” Niles spoke slowly, wonder dawning on his features that he did not bother to hide. “You want me to see you for what you are, you _need_ \--”

Again, his words were cut off but not by the weight of the other man--this time, by the absence of it. Tsubaki was back in the pegasus’ saddle in a blink, pike on his shoulder, expression more unreadable than Niles had ever seen it.

“I need _nothing_ you or anyone can give me, Niles,” the other man said simply and was gone in a ruffle of feathers.

Niles only realized afterward, still on his back on the grass, that Tsubaki had called him by his name and for some reason, it sounded like he had meant it.

*

Tsubaki lay in the dark, alone, sleep eluding him.

What had he been thinking?

The image played, over and over, looping in his mind.

Niles of Nohr, retainer to a prince, just as he himself was to a Hoshidan princess...Niles pinned beneath him, not fighting. Niles’ lips parted, his hair a riot of white against the grass, his body hot and strong beneath Tsubaki. Niles' hips canting up to meet him, his smile fading into something far more _real_.

Then, those cruel, silky words, telling Tsubaki exactly what he wanted to hear.

_He knows. I cannot take it back now._

_He knows that I need something from him. He knows what I am._

Face burning in the most exquisite shame, Tsubaki shifted beneath the soft cotton of his sheets, one hand wandering to where it always did when he thought of the other man.

Warm brown skin, clear blue eye, his hair littered with flower petals...the way he’d moved beneath Tsubaki…

_The way he saw right through me. The way he touched my hand, wetting his lips with that filthy tongue…_

Rational thought departed him. For a few moments Tsubaki's world was only the frantic touch of his own fingers to feverish skin, the rocking of his hips, tensed muscle then desperate release sighed into his futon as he spilled his shame in clean smallclothes...something that was only bordering on relief, but more madness than sane…

“Niles,” he moaned brokenly. Then again, softer, the sound buried in his pillow.

_“Niles.”_

*

Niles dragged his sorry self, defeated and hungry and quickened and so _very_ frustrated back to his sleeping area. Light he had not left burning shone through tent canvas, and a voice assaulted him as he paused outside.

“Wait... I sense an agent of the shadows! Stop right there! Don't move!”

“Odin, it’s me, you dolt.” Niles shoved past the entryway and collapsed into a heap on his cot.

Odin moved from where he was inexplicably waiting, tome in hand, and knelt at Niles’ side.

“I am no dolt. A worthy adversary, a willing colleague, a hero of the ages but--” The other man pressed his lips together, backing away a little at the expression on Niles’ face.

“Is there a task from Lord Leo?” Niles asked tiredly, not offering any explanation for his foul mood.

“Perceptive of you...as if your vision pierces the veil between times. He wanted me to review these strategic reports with you if you were still awake, though…” Odin paused, an uncharacteristically knowing look on his face.

“What? Please don’t tell me you’re thinking of ravishing me tonight. I don’t have the energy,” Niles leered but the innuendo lacked his normal edge.

“ _He_ was here, you know,” Odin said, his voice quieter than usual.

Niles stilled where he slumped, but did not otherwise betray his surprise.

“Lord Leo was here?” He asked, feigning ignorance.

“Your Hoshidan. The one that smells like flowers. He asked where I could find you so--”

_My Hoshidan?_

“You did not tell him, Odin?” Niles interrupted, voice silky and threat-laden.

“As I have said, I am no dolt. I will assume that he found you anyway, this warrior who shines like the sun and smiles like the devil?” Odin edged a little closer, curiosity all over his face. Everything that man felt was an open book, and Niles could almost hear the unspoken questions bubbling from him.

“I shot an arrow at him,” Niles said with a dismissive shrug. “Now, about Lord Leo’s business--I would like to sleep at least once every two days.”

“Not sleeping opens a soul to the darkest energies,” Odin nodded, already onto the next thing.

Niles paid enough attention to finish what was needed of him then he shooed Odin away and bundled himself in his own unhappy thoughts.

_He’s right, I am miserable as ever._

That revelation did not please Niles. He lay in the darkness, dagger at his side, and he swore he the smell of flowers lingered on his skin and in his hair and followed him into his dreams.

 

 

 

 


	2. Hearsay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Niles overhears gossip from Tsubaki's comrades and makes up his mind to prove them wrong, and in which Odin's words encourage Tsubaki to bait Niles into another encounter.

Niles watched Tsubaki from afar for two days straight, listening, observing silently.

He did not approach the Hoshidan at all.

Odin followed him on some of his wanderings, babbling cheerfully as ever about impending darkness, words of power, aching blood and other things made Odin’s weird little heart tick. Niles found it soothing, normalizing. He did not have words for the heavy strangeness he felt pressing on his chest, or for the restlessness that consumed him, robbing him of sleep and his peace of mind.

Even Lord Leo had commented that he looked off--the last person (besides Tsubaki himself) that Niles would ever want to notice his predicament.

“This warm weather--it keeps me wakeful,” Niles had offered simply. Lord Leo had nodded in that adorably/frighteningly intense (really, how could he be both?) way of his, looking unconvinced but at least he had the good graces not to pry.

Niles kept track of the sky-knight’s wanderings, saving the more involved, delicate prying for when Odin was not around, startling every living creature within half a mile with that gleeful exuberance that Niles would have despised in anyone else.

Niles' patience was rewarded.

Tsubaki had returned twice to his former hiding-spot now--once at the same time of night he had pinned Niles to the ground, another in the afternoon after his practice drills, no pegasus in tow for a change.

Niles made a note to remember this.

On a particularly balmy afternoon, he rallied Odin and they braved the training grounds where sky-knights, wyvern riders and aerial warriors of both armies practiced combat drills. Tsubaki had left for the day, on some errand for Lady Sakura--at least that's what he overheard the fiery Princess Hinoka say to one of the other sky-knights before taking flight towards the camp proper on a particularly enormous pegasus. Niles kept out of the way, determinedly casual, hushing Odin so that he could listen to the chatter around him.

“Tsubaki was in a mood today.”

Niles perked up when he heard the other man’s name. Two Hoshidan men were stowing practice lances, heads close as they gossiped.

“You aren’t kidding. I felt sorry for the poor bastard stuck sparring with him. If he’d asked me, I think I’d have run.”

The second man laughed, dark eyes sparkling wickedly.

“And he’d have chased you down. Bet you’d love that. Maybe he’d even have taken you out back to punish you later.”

The first man, a long-haired sky-knight with a scar on his left cheek scoffed. “In your wildest dreams. I hear he never takes lovers. Who would even try? He’d probably criticize their technique, offer to give pointers--”

Both men snickered. Niles, for a change, did not find the lewd imaginings particularly funny. He backed away, thoughtful, and wandered back towards the Nohrian encampment, Odin uncharacteristically quiet by his side. After a few moments, the mage cleared his throat purposefully.

“You seem to be under his spell, my friend,” Odin ventured, a strange look on his face. “Spell, or curse--and truly, I misspoke--there is no seem about it. You are smitten to the point of distraction.”

Niles sighed. “Definitely curse, not spell. And what of it?” He slanted a gaze at his fellow retainer and friend, reminding himself never again to underestimate Odin’s powers of observation.

Odin shrugged lightly, the sheer fabric of his robes bunching over broad shoulders. “Nothing of it. Just...I am here if you want to talk. Or, if you need me to call upon my connections to the howling void to break whatever this curse or spell is. That’s all,” Odin added, looking suddenly very boyish. He dipped his blond head in farewell and walked off towards the mess hall.

Niles stood in place, deep in thought.

_Of course no one would think to proposition him. And he is too proud to even think of it--what if he were rejected? He’d die of the humiliation…_

Something dark in Niles unfurled, thoughts of how easy it would be to take advantage of that stubborn, fierce pride. He shoved the shadows away, though, instead thinking aloud “No wonder he's drawn to me.”

Then, reeling through his mind like a murder of crows, other thoughts...

_He thinks I turn down nothing, that I am imperfect to the point of unredeemable. He thinks I want to drag him down with me._

_Too bad that’s not the way I’m going to play_.

_Good thing he's wrong._

*

Tsubaki did not know how to ask about Niles without being embarrassingly obvious. The very thought of being caught inquiring after the other man, of Niles seeing what he was doing sent a hot flush of shame over his body and tightened his expression into a scowl.

_No wonder the other knights shied away from me in practice today...that is, more than usual…_

Tsubaki considered the matter at length, then made up his mind. The best way to form a lie was to clothe it in a mantle of truth. He washed his face, swept back his hair and made haste to the Nohrian sector of the shared encampment. He did not have to look far, and heard who he was looking for before he saw him.

Odin, Lord Leo’s other retainer, would know Niles better than anyone. If he could somehow get him apart from the others, ask him a few questions under the guise of diplomacy and wanting to know the character of a fellow retainer, it might be possible to avoid humiliation.

As it turned out, getting to Odin was a simpler matter than Tsubaki had dared hope. Odin’s boisterous nature carved a path through any crowd, and at this moment, he was left to his own devices as two fierce-looking, armor-clad Nohrian women fled--or, clanked and stomped away as quickly as anyone wearing their weight in steel could manage.

“Alone again, I see. Odin Dark is no stranger to loneliness--” the other man started, sighing dramatically as he raked one hand through spiky blond hair. He looked up just as Tsubaki started towards him. “Or perhaps not alone,” Odin amended, expression brightening.

“Odin, retainer to Lord Leo?” Tsubaki bowed politely, his most neutral smile gracing his expression.

“Tsubaki, retainer to Lady Sakura,” Odin echoed his greeting, now grinning ear to ear. “You are here looking for Niles? Because he’s off on errands, I’m afraid.”

“Thank you, but it is you with whom I wish to speak.” Tsubaki bowed again, shallower but a gesture of respect for the other man’s time.

“Me?” Odin raised one pale eyebrow, confused.

“I will not detain you long. It is just...well, I have encountered him--Niles--in the course of my duties, and…”

“Allow me your guess...you wish to know what sort of man he is?” Odin offered, understanding dawning on his face. “Niles is a tough lock to pick, I'm afraid.”

Tsubaki blinked.

“Don’t be so surprised,” Odin said with a smile. “Odin Dark knows much that is not seen, that lies beneath the shadows and haunts the minds and souls of his comrades in their dreams.”

“I, well.” Tsubaki did not quite know what to say, so he just nodded politely. “Is he as...glib as he would appear to be?” Glib, free, open with his affections...Tsubaki felt the meanings behind his words like weights on his tongue. He immediately regretted what he'd said, so clumsy and maladroit but struggled to keep his expression neutral. 

Odin laughed without mirth, expression for a moment faraway. “Niles gives little of himself, at least on the surface, but all of that joking, the lewd comments? He just wants to see the true mien of a man.”

“He wants to get a reaction,” Tsubaki said, frowning. Why would the other man so consistently want to grate, abrade, to discomfit those around him?

Odin moved a little closer to Tsubaki, a muscle in his strong, squared jaw working with intense emotion. “Our Niles, dear Tsubaki of Hoshido, is far too accustomed to life as pain to know how to act otherwise,” he said, eyes darkening. “I would hope you do not intend to add to that problem, sky-knight…”

Tsubaki drew himself taller at the insinuation, taken aback at how quickly the good-natured, if intensely odd, mage’s demeanor shifted.

 _Niles was the one who has tried to attack_ me _._ He _is the one who started it_ , he wanted to say. He pushed those thoughts away.

“I meant no offense,” Tsubaki said in his most formal tone. “Above all, I endeavor to act with grace and honor as befits a retainer to the royal family of Hoshido, and most especially my liege. Please do not for a moment think that I would stoop--”

“I didn't think you were acting out of ill-intent, but I had to be sure," Odin interrupted. "He’s been looking for you. I believe Niles is playing some sort of cat and mouse game because he’s too cautious to show his interest outright.”

“You are...refreshingly honest, Odin Dark,” Tsubaki replied slowly, a touch more warmth in his tone than before. “You can tell your fellow retainer, if you so wish, that I plan to take rest in the place we first spoke at length tomorrow following afternoon drills. Thank you for your kindness, and for your candor.” Tsubaki bowed, deeply this time, and was off walking as quickly as he could, back toward the Hoshidan sector of the camp, his heart crowding his throat, and shivers of danger, of anticipation racing up and down his spine.


	3. Lighter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I shamelessly appropriate support conversation lines from the B/A supports, and in which Niles and Tsubaki finally come to at least the beginnings of an understanding.

When Niles came for Tsubaki again, the sky-knight promised himself he would be ready. Ready after a fashion, anyhow...he could never truly be prepared for the other man’s presence, a disconcerting, dangerous and addictive thing.

The day was much as any other had been, sunny and warm, Tsubaki’s favorite sort of weather. He’d have been in a fantastic mood if he had not suspected what was coming--if he had slept better the last few nights.

_That cruel rogue, stealing even my dreams from me. How dare he..._

Tsubaki was as close to a rotten mood as was possible for him. He was polite to others but distant and in a hurry to be done with all obligations and spend some time apart. He’d completed his work for the day and set off towards the grove of trees where he had found Niles looking up at the stars and where he had lost control of himself and lay over the other man, straddling him like a rent-boy.

For someone who supposedly was terrible at giving up control, he'd flat out lost it. Coming back here was his reminder of this, and his punishment.

Tsubaki was still disgusted at himself—annoyance at his own desires needling through his daily tasks, his smiles, his thoughts, his sleep.

_Perhaps he will follow me…perhaps Odin will have told him._

Tsubaki had left his weapon behind, but prepared himself in other ways. He had taken extra care in binding his coppery hair back into a neat horse-tail but leaving strands loose to frame his face and catch the light. Some part of him--the ugly, tarnished and jagged part nobody ever saw--desperately wanted Niles to seek him out. So here he was, standing unarmed, unarmored, in white and sky-blue Hoshidan royal livery, angling his face to the flowering cherry trees.

He did not have to wait very long.

He felt it, that pins-and-needles sensation tickling at his awareness and spun just in time to grab Niles on the shoulder. The other man froze in place, dagger extended past where Tsubaki had neatly sidestepped him. They both stood half-turned, feet planted in the grass, not moving.

“How do you _do_ that, Camellia?” Niles didn’t miss a beat, a wicked smile curving his lips as he sheathed his knife. “ _I’m_ supposed to be the sneaky one.” The Nohrian held Tsubaki’s gaze. In the afternoon light, his skin was warm-brown, the sunlight in that one clear, blue eye far too beautiful for comfort. As always, Niles noticed his scrutiny and his smile morphed into something far more subtle than his leer, something knowing.

Niles was not wearing his cloak today, and Tsubaki had not been able to help reveling, just for a moment, in the sensation of his fingertips on warm skin where the wide-necked shirt the other man wore had fallen away. He had not been able to help pressing his fingers hard into Niles’ muscle.

_Why am I doing this? What can't I take my hands off him?_

Tsubaki pushed away from Niles, wiping his hands at his sides as if he had been soiled.

“You really would have stabbed me that last time, wouldn’t you?” Tsubaki asked stubbornly, trying to take control of the situtation, but there was no real question in his words.

“I did warn you, lovely. I would not have _really_ hurt you...I was just hoping for a chance to see your face contorted, even for a moment, in the anticipation of pain.” Niles closed his eye and hummed low in his chest.

“You are evil,” Tsubaki bit out. “Sure, perhaps it was what happened when you were young--yes, I've heard some things--” He paused at the suddenly blank look on the other man’s face. "Is it your past that makes you so cruel?” Tsubaki goaded, a tight smile hovering on his own lips.

Niles shrugged. “The past is just that-- _past_. If I have flaws now, which I do in abundance, they are simply who I am and I’m aware of them. Honest about them,” Niles added, the slightest hint of admonishment creeping into his tone. “What's _your_ excuse, Tsubaki? Did your parents not pay attention to you? Were you worked too hard? Why do you care so much what others think to the point you structure every little thing you say? I mean, it’s all about appearances with you. Spun-sugar, no substance--”

“You overstep the bounds of respect, and I am sure that my past was fine," he mumbled.

“If you don't remember it, it was not ‘fine.’” Niles countered.

“You have no right to say such things to me.” Tsubaki, infuriated, backed further away before he did anything stupid. He seethed--his heart thundering, his teeth clenched.

_I will not let him see how much he is affecting me. I will not—_

“What happens when you finally fail, Camellia?” Niles asked softly. His smile was gone.

“I do not fail. I _will_ not. If you do not see this, then you know nothing about me.” Tsubaki clenched one hand into a fist at his side then immediately relaxed it, realizing he would just prove the other man’s point for him if he struck out.

“Oh, I think you do. I think you are failing right now. You’re tired. It shows in your eyes. You’re angry...the way you’re standing, the way you’re--”

" _Be quiet_ ,” Tsubaki growled.

“Come shut me up,” Niles opened his arms, tongue skimming his bottom lip. “ _You_ were the one who told Odin where I could find you. So why are you here, Tsubaki? Surely you didn't come to fight...”

For a moment, Tsubaki could do nothing. He could not reply, or move--he could not even think past the screaming frustration that tore through him, white and hot. The camp below seemed so still, almost sleepy. Without his pegasus waiting nearby, just him and whispering trees and Niles waiting--the quiet was too much. Something in Tsubaki broke. Not just a clean break, but a shatter. Before he realized what he was doing, he’d launched himself toward the other man but instead of knocking him to the ground like last time, he stopped just in front of Niles and stood awkwardly, one hand held up as if to touch the other man’s cheek, the other knotted in the fabric of his own tunic as Tsubaki sought composure.

Niles looked down at him, not taking advantage of their closeness or Tsubaki’s vulnerability. Instead, the Nohrian took a deep breath and dropped to the ground, sitting with his legs crossed. Niles patted the grass next to him. “Finally, you see that there's a problem. So tell me what's bothering you. Maybe I can help somehow.”

*

Tsbuaki looked stunned.

Niles angled a wry smile up to the other man who stood there, mouth opening and closing again as he struggled to find a suitable reply. After a moment of silence, Tsubaki relented, folding himself gracefully onto the ground next to Niles. He tilted his head, thoughtful, and a shining lock of hair fell prettily against one cheek.

"You are being surprisingly compassionate," Tsubaki admitted.

"Well, you got me...sometimes I care." Niles leaned to the side so that his shoulder brushed against the other man's. Tsubaki did not draw away.

"I think I'm jealous of you," Tsubaki blurted out.

It was Niles' turn to be surprised.

“I am jealous of the way you just... _are_ , with no deference to anyone but Lord Leo. The way you make no apologies, the way you have nothing to prove. I--” Tsubaki broke off, fixing a hard look at Niles.

“What?”

Tsubaki lifted his face towards the sky, amber eyes unfocused, that tiny furrow etched between his brows just as it had been the other night.

_The night he pinned me to the dirt and all but rutted into me before taking his leave in a storm of insults._

_That_ had been interesting.

It took every ounce of Niles’ considerable control to not wrap his arms around the other man, to kiss his smooth cheek or bite that place at the base of Tsubaki’s neck half-hidden by silky hair.

“I carry my burdens, always. Perfection in all things, in every aspect of my existence. So much rides on the illusion--more than I can explain, more than I could even really articulate to myself, I think. And it is not merely self-imposed...I promise you this.”

Niles glanced again over at the other man, and wished he hadn’t. The sun hit that beautiful face just so, the breeze stirred stray locks of burnished copper too perfectly, and those lips--

_Gods, they should not be allowed._

Parted just a little, so bite-able, waiting to be crushed to his own or put to work elsewhere…

Niles tucked that thought away for when he was not engaged in making an effort to actually connect with the man beside him.

“I didn’t think it was all your choice,” Niles finally said. “It never is. Camellia-- _Tsubaki._ I’m going to come clean. I’m jealous of you, too, you know. How disgustingly _easy_ you make it all look. How much your ease makes me want to wreck your facade, bring it all down so we’re both in the mud together. But...I’m fine with that. Who I am, how I feel. You need to learn to do the same.”

Tsubaki watched him, turning where he sat so that his knee bumped into Niles’ own. “What would you have me do?”

Niles could not help thrilling at those words, or the way he looked for a moment at the other man, a wave of raw, undisguised lust rushing through him. He reached over, tapping one of Tsubaki’s strong hands with his own--how well he had felt that strength when the other man had nearly broken his wrists.

“Hand over a portion of your worries to me. You don’t have to tell me what they are, or why you are so broken that you’re coming to  _me_ of all people. Put them here, and let me carry them for you.”

“Give them to you? I don't understand. I can’t just--” Tsubaki started, but Niles grabbed the other man’s hand fully, twining their fingers together for an instant before sliding away to sit, his palms open.

“You _can_ , just. Use your imagination or is that less than perfect?” Niles let a note of challenge creep into his voice. Right on cue, the other man’s eyes flashed, and he leaned forward, pressing his fingers tentatively against Niles’ palm.

“My, my. So light...almost nothing to them at all. Those sorts of worries would not drive a man like you to do you what you did to me the other night…” Niles could not help teasing. Tsubaki’s caught breath, that tiny press of tooth to supple bottom lip as the other man tried to restrain himself--it was so delicious.

Tsubaki’s fingers clamped over his hand, pressing painfully. Niles closed his eye and hissed through his teeth in bliss when short nails bit into his flesh.

“Now _those_ are heavy worries,” he breathed, not bothering to hide what he was feeling. “Hand me more of those burdens, lovely.”

“H-how?” Tsubaki asked, his voice catching in his throat. “How do I let go of them?”

 _How_ I _do_ , Niles thought but did not say. _Through pain. Through control, through_ losing _control…_

“You trust me. You let the man with the knife at your throat whisper sweet nothings at your ear. You let the one who could hurt you give you comfort instead.”

Tsubaki dipped his head close, nosing lightly at Niles’ hair.

“I meant what I said the last time. I don’t always know how to give up control,” Tsubaki whispered, his warm breath caressing Niles' cheek.

“Then let me teach you.” Niles reached out the hand Tsubaki was not holding and dragged his thumb across the other man’s bottom lip, pressing hard. He watched in fascination as Tsubaki’s tongue slipped out, sliding over Niles’ skin. “Oh,” Niles murmured hoarsely. He crushed harder, the other man’s lip going white as the blood was pushed away.

Tsubaki nudged his chin forward and bit down on Niles’ thumb. The pain shimmered heat in Niles’ belly, heat that surged lower, that quickened his breath.

“Ngh. Good boy.” Niles retracted his bruised thumb and offered his index finger this time. Tsubaki bit down again, sharper, and Niles grunted in surprised pleasure. “ _Very_ good boy.”

Tsubaki uttered a small and strangled sound that struck somewhere deep in Niles’ heart. The other man shook gleaming red hair out of his eyes to gaze heatedly at Niles, wild, desperate, then was in his lap, their hands clasped so tightly Niles could feel the beginnings of bruises.

“Give them all to me, Tsubaki. I’ll make them mine. I’ll make you forget you ever had burdens in the first place.” Niles tore away only so he could reach up and knot the fingers of his left hand in that silky red horsetail, pulling hard enough Tsubaki moaned softly.

“You’ll have to take some of them by force,” Tsubaki murmured, voice breaking.

Niles' vision bled white and before he could check himself, he shoved the other man forward and tackled him to the ground, Tsubaki’s legs wrapped around him, his name like a prayer on the sky knight’s tongue.

*

“Ni--Niles,” Tsubaki managed between breaths.

He lay on his back in the dirt, panting, his legs straining to hold the other man in place, his arms around Niles’ neck.

“Tsubaki,” Niles purred. His hips rocked, a barely-there rhythmic thrust that made Tsubaki dizzy with the heat between his legs, in his fingertips. Aching to touch, to beg, desperate to be taken.

“Teach me to give up control. Teach me everything you know. I’ll be _so_ good for you,” Tsubaki heard himself plead shamelessly.

“My pretty, pretty Camellia. Of course you will be good,” Niles spoke, words rough and low in his chest.

Tsubaki thrilled to hear a growl of desire rumble through the other man as Niles stared down at him, eye dark with lust. Tsubaki lurched upwards, trying to move so he could kiss Niles—it didn’t matter where. Tsubaki’s lips needed to find purchase, and he writhed against Niles’ tight hold on him, even fighting to untangle his legs from around the other man’s body.

“No you don’t, Tsubaki,” Niles chided, extracting himself so quickly and neatly from his grapple-hold that Tsubaki was left breathless, confused, and wanting. Niles sat back on his haunches, offering a hand to Tsubaki who lay undignified, tousled, and legs splayed in a most obscene manner in the dirt.

“But we…I mean, _you_ were the one…” Tsubaki started, but at the warning look on Niles’ face, he simply grasped his offered hand and sat up himself, hot with humiliation, rejection stinging like a thousand cuts over his body.

As if sensing the turn of his thoughts, Niles placed his palm flat to Tsubaki’s cheek, soothing, thumb gently tracing the line of his jaw. “I’m not rejecting you, lovely. _No_ man could. But…” Niles was the one to pause this time, dipping his head so that he could look directly at Tsubaki, gauging his expression. “I won't hurry this. Just the other day we were at each other’s throats, and not in a fun way.”

Tsubaki inhaled deeply, steadying his breath. Niles was…right. Absolutely right. The other man’s concern and restraint washed over him, undoing him almost more than the intimate touches had.

“I feel so much lighter,” he heard himself saying.

“That was rather the point,” Niles countered, smiling under his mop of white hair, eyepatch making his already teasing expression that much more fae. “I will be here tomorrow night after my watch. Join me, if you wish, or if you happen to be passing by and without occupation. I’ll at least have a blanket we can sit on. Maybe wine if I’m feeling generous.”

“Leave the wine. I’ll bring sake,” Tsubaki replied primly. “None of that overly sweet stuff that passes for wine with you Nohrians.”

Niles grinned, his familiar, wicked smile now more winning than ever before.

“I’ll count on it then. I have work for Lord Leo that I must attend to—I’d best make myself useful, you know,” he added. Niles skimmed his knuckles over Tsubaki’s lips and jaw then stood and walked back towards the Nohrian camp, humming tunelessly to himself.

Tsubaki sat in place until the sun was low on the horizon before he could finally drag himself away. He sighed, righted his clothing and hair, and wandered off to act like nothing tremendous, heart-achingly (loin-achingly, for that matter) remarkable had just happened.

To act like he was not falling like a knight shot out of the sky, head over heels, for a Nohrian rogue.


	4. First Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tsubaki undergoes his first lesson in losing control, and in which Niles is more than happy to be his teacher.

Tsubaki wanted to tell himself that he didn’t care if he was at his best. He wanted to believe, on some level, that he was capable of even the tiniest portion of the nonchalance that Niles of Nohr seemed to bring to everything he did. Even if Niles’ devil-may-care attitude was an affectation, Tsubaki knew it was exactly the sort of thing he was not capable of mimicking.

He knew the truth about himself, however much it grated...that he cared, _terribly_.

So he went about his preparations for the evening with attention to detail. He had enlisted a far more acerbic than usual Hana to wrap up duties he’d nearly completed himself in his desire to see them done correctly, allowing him the night off. Hana did not question him, however, and his liege Lady Sakura was gracious in urging him to “relax for a change.”

Nothing about this was relaxing. Well, except perhaps for the rhythmic whispering of his brush as he groomed his hair. Tsubaki braided two portions into a half tail, deliberately letting a long copper forelock hang over each cheek. He did not bind the rest like he normally did, opting instead to let it spill down his back in what he knew would be a stark contrast to the pale gray kimono he wore over his casual livery.

Tsubaki heated the rice wine himself, placing it with careful hands into a basket, surrounding the ceramic bottle and cups with cloth-covered, oven-warmed stones so that the drink would remain hot. He folded a thick cotton blanket over the sake set, hung the basket over one arm and made his way to where he was supposed to meet the other man, trying not to look eager.

He was not sure what to expect when he arrived. Their pre-appointed spot was hidden as always, shadowed in the gathering twilight. He sensed he was alone--no recent footprints pressed into the grass, no sense of danger humming in the air. Tsubaki tried not to consider the humiliation of waiting for the roguish Nohrian as the night fell around him, the other man nowhere to be found, he himself forgotten, alone.

Tsubaki shivered, drawing his kimono a little tighter. In the end, it was the memory of Odin’s earnest face and the dark mage’s insistence that Tsubaki not hurt his fellow retainer that calmed the sky knight’s nerves. If Odin thought he mattered to Niles, maybe there was something to it.

_And that means I am in a position to hurt him in at least some small way._

It was cold comfort but all Tsubaki had in the moment besides a sick mingling of fear and excitement that made his stomach feel as if he had swallowed half of the sake and a bucket of worms to boot. He knelt on the blanket in front of the basket and looked up at the darkening sky.

“My, my. What a pretty picture you make--on your knees, waiting for me.”

Tsubaki schooled his expression into mild annoyance, willing away any signs of surprise and most especially the little surge of excitement that shocked through him. He did not turn to face Niles, who had apparently decided to approach from the west, effectively sneaking up on Tsubaki.

“You are later than you said you’d be. The rice-wine might be cold,” Tsubaki chided.

“Ah, Camellia, don’t try to pretend I didn’t startle you,” Niles murmured, closer than before.

Tsubaki’s posture stiffened but he did not move. “You _know_ I was startled. But now you are just being impolite.”

Niles chuckled low in his chest by way of reply. Quiet footfalls padded just behind where Tsubaki knelt. He angled a glance to his side where the Nohrian waited, enough out of reach that Tsubaki felt distinctly at a disadvantage.

“What  is it?” Niles prompted, a hint of sharpness in that velvety voice.

“Do you not wish to be here with me now? Can you not stand to look at me directly?” Tsubaki knew well that Niles would not linger where he had no inclination to be, but perversely wanted, even _needed_ to hear the other man contradict him.

A shush of fabric rustled at Tsubaki’s side. Niles lowered to his haunches, angling himself so he could fix Tsubaki with his one blue eye.

“Forgive my impoliteness. I was just resisting the urge to ruin all this…” he paused to wave a hand in Tsubaki’s face, “...this disgusting perfection.”

Tsubaki suppressed a traitorous thrill at the backhanded compliment.

“I welcome you to try something,” Tsubaki offered mildly, punctuating the threat/invitation by opening the basket in front of him. “See what happens.”

“Mmmm. Baring your fangs. I _like_ it.” Niles nearly purred his approval at Tsubaki’s ear. “But this time, I’ll pass.”

Tsubaki carefully decanted two cupfuls of sake, grateful for the gathering darkness--he knew his cheeks were livid, and heat bled over his neck and chest.

“Sit properly. I’ll not serve you like this,” he fussed, not bothering to soften his tone.

“Well, then. Yessir,” Niles snarked but eased himself gracefully onto the blanket next to Tsubaki, so close their shoulders and upper arms brushed together.

“You think I am being proper merely for some self-satisfied, arrogant reason of my own, don’t you?” Tsubaki challenged, a small, earthenware cup warming each hand.

“Is it an unreasonable thing to think?” Niles shrugged but Tsubaki felt tension building in the man next to him.

“Ceremony, even in the smallest ways, lets any of us honor ourselves and the world regardless of money, status, or other superficial concerns.”

“It all seems superficial to me, but what do I know?” Niles replied.

Tsubaki clenched his teeth in frustration then simply acquiesced with a nod. “Indeed,” he said, handing one of the cups to Niles. “So I’ll teach you to understand. Drink with me, and drink with purpose as we do in Hoshido--to savor, honor, forget. Why will you drink tonight?”

“Because you have given me something worth drinking?” Niles raised his cup. Tsubaki, faster than thought, reached out his left hand, fingers curling punishingly around the other man’s wrist.

“Try again,” he whispered, the challenge in his tone unmistakable. He leveled a glare at Niles, harsher than what he actually felt. Even in the twilight dimness, Tsubaki could see the other man’s moonlight-white hair was washed and groomed to shining. His gaze lingered where the wide neckline of Niles’ crisp white shirt parted, revealing a delicious expanse of warm brown skin. Tsubaki could smell, stronger than any other time they’d been close, that alluring, spicy scent on the rogue’s hair and body. Heat surged through his limbs and pooled into his belly.

“Have it your way, Camellia. If you are so keen for my reason, I’ll drink to being broken. To being cruel. To hating that you’re beautiful when you look at me with violence in your eyes. And you, Tsubaki?” Niles leaned closer, easing against Tsubaki’s side in a slow, deliberate way. His chin nudged at Tsubaki’s head, his body warm and solid and real.

Tsubaki was for a moment at a loss. He felt his eyelids flutter shut but quickly forced himself back to his formal posture, alert as he could be under the circumstances.

“Well, go on,” Niles whispered at his ear.

“I’ll drink to losing control,” Tsubaki replied, the words rough, betraying everything he wanted to hide, but couldn’t. He didn’t wait for any reply from Niles, just downed the entire cup, the liquid warm on his tongue, weaving through the other heat that snaked its way through his body.

He looked up at Niles, who sipped from his own cup and watched him.

“Do you like it, Niles?” Tsubaki managed, heart galloping.

The other man slid his tongue slowly over his lips. “Yeah, I do. It's clean. Smooth. Like _you_.”

Tsubaki’s breath stuttered at Niles’ words.

“In fact,” Niles continued, moving so that he was directly facing Tsubaki, “I’d like to try a little something. I promise it won’t hurt, much. If I may…”

Tsubaki nodded, not trusting himself to talk.

“What would something so very smooth taste like on the lips of the silkiest, most disgustingly perfect creature I know?”

Tsubaki opened his mouth to speak but the words were lost when Niles dove in, knocking the empty cup out of his hand, crushing Tsubaki to him in a bruising, intimately deep and violent kiss.

#

_Gods._

Niles sat next to the other man in the darkness, something tight and dangerous building in his center, threatening to burst, to destroy them both. Then, that little hitch of breath from beside him. That hint of sigh slipping from those sake-wet lips, the way Tsubaki raised his face, the way he leaned in close without seeming to realize it, still kneeling but back arched, just a little…

_Gods damn him. It isn’t fair._

Niles had not meant to do it. He had planned to make the Hoshidan sky knight wait--to languish in doubt, to worry over whether he was wanted--just a little, anyway. Niles, in the end, was distracted. The way Tsubaki was dressed, groomed as if for a wedding night...the way his eyes were bright as stars in the deepening twilight, the breathy way he had asked, _Do you like it, Niles_?

No, he had not meant to kiss Tsubaki.

Except now he lay on top of the other man, pressing him into the blanket, his lips and hands roaming freely. Tsubaki's soft, choked little moans were a drug Niles knew he could not refuse, that would keep him hungry for more. He at least forced himself to devour the other man _slowly,_ for his own good as much as Tsubaki’s--teasing, letting his tongue light here, there, nipping with keen teeth, sliding his leg where he knew his Camellia craved pressure the most…

“Niles, Niles _please--_ ” Tsubaki begged against his neck between moans and open-mouthed kisses.

“Please _what_?” Niles asked, punctuating the question with a bruising kiss to the other man’s throat, then sliding his tongue between Tsubaki’s lips before he could reply. He pinned the sky knight to the blanket, holding him in place with powerful arms and thighs. For long, drunken moments he kissed the other man, reveling in how completely Tsubaki handed over his power, savoring the soft, spring-sweet perfume of his smooth skin and silky hair.

“P-please--I need--” Tsubaki panted when Niles finally allowed him to come up for air, only to immediately be silenced again with a deeper, harder, more searching kiss than before. Whatever Tsubaki had wanted to say crumbled away into a broken groan of pleasure. The sky knight’s fingers dug savagely into Niles’ back, and he writhed and thrusted beneath Niles like a thing possessed.

 _He_ is _a thing possessed_ , Niles thought vaguely, finally putting enough space between them to allow the other man to breathe. He sat up, straddling Tsubaki, legs clenched so tightly around the other man’s thighs that he could barely move. With slow deliberation, he lowered just enough to grind his hardness tantalizingly over Tsubaki’s, rumpling the dove-gray kimono and loosening its carefully-tied, ornate belt.

“No begging, lovely. Just take what I give you. Remember, Tsubaki, you can’t always be in control, hmm?” Niles smiled down at the other man, head tilted, chest heaving.

Tsubaki hissed what sounded like a Hoshidan curse through his teeth, but went still beneath Niles with an obedience that took his breath away.

“Mmm. Perfect. _Good_ boy,” Niles approved, leaning in to lavish light kisses over the pale skin Tsubaki’s mussed robe left bare. Neck, chest, just a bit of left shoulder...he nosed at that muscled hint of shoulder then bit so hard that Tsubaki bucked underneath him, and he tasted the tiniest hint of blood against his tongue. Niles drew away again and stared down at Tsubaki, something strange unwinding within him, tugging at the edges of his senses.

He had never felt like this. Not with anyone. Niles shuddered, suddenly overwhelmed by the rawness of it all--the enormity of what was threatening to overcome him.

“What’s wrong?” Tsubaki gazed back up at him, eyes far too knowing for Niles’ comfort. Niles ducked in and swiped his tongue over the other man’s bottom lip, trailing down his neck and chest, dragging the side of his face over the soft fabric of Tsubaki’s robe as he slid down the other man’s body. He lingered for a moment, head resting just below Tsubaki’s belt, before sitting up some inches away.

_Get a hold of yourself. You’re in too deep, too soon._

“You learn fast, that’s all,” Niles mumbled, looking away.

“You know I always do,” Tsubaki whispered and what Niles heard in the other man’s voice was a dagger straight to the heart. So much vulnerability, so much desperate need…

_I have to go slowly. I cannot rush this--whatever it is--into existence. Something horrible will happen if I do._

Niles reached out to help the other man to sitting with as much chivalry as any royal retainer out of his head with lust could muster. He leaned in and righted Tsubaki’s collar, tucked a strand of burnished hair behind one perfect ear, and gently skimmed his knuckles over Tsubaki’s cheekbone before putting some distance between them. “I just didn’t think I’d be so eager to lose control myself. You know I can’t do that. One of us has to keep it together, at least for now,” he said with a light shrug.

“So...I was good enough?”

Niles stared at Tsubaki for a moment, wry amusement mixing with a fresh wave of desire.

“Do you not trust what my lips, tongue, and hands told you? Or do you want me to spell it out for you?” Niles shook his head, unable to fathom the other man’s need for approval.

“Spell it out. Always. There are some things I’m not...good at,” Tsubaki said, lacing his fingers together over his knees.

“Fine. You’re too beautiful to be allowed. If I let myself go and if you gave me total control, the things I could do to you…” Niles heard his voice go husky, shameless lust thick in the words. “Mmm. But one lesson in a night is enough. Even I know this,” he added almost ruefully.

“I...understand.” Relief and something far more subtle chased over the sky knight’s face, his lips curving in a hesitant smile.

“I like this drink, you know,” Niles nodded towards the discarded cups and picnic basket. “Next time, perhaps I can show you some Nohrian ceremony?” He fixed the other man with an open, knowing gaze.

“I would like that.” Tsubaki bowed his head and Niles' throat felt suddenly tight, his heart too big for his chest.

“Good. Now, I’m going to go before I lay you out right here on the ground and have my wicked way with you…” Niles didn’t finish his thought, instead coaxing himself reluctantly to standing. “I will be free two nights from now, two hours after sundown.”

“Then I will be free, too. But Niles?” Tsubaki started, looking up at him from where he still sat on the blanket, a riot of red hair and pale skin and too much deliciousness to be allowed.

“Hmm?”

“Don’t keep me waiting next time. It’s not polite.”

Niles smiled slowly, thrills chasing up and down his spine. “Oh, Camellia. I see you still have a lot to learn about losing control. I look forward to...educating you.” With those words, he strode soundlessly into the night, not allowing himself to look behind him, to see the expression on Tsubaki’s face.

 _To see him would unravel me, and it’s too soon for that. No, he needs to wait. He needs to learn what it means to trust me even as I press a dagger to his perfect throat. He needs to learn what perfection_ really _means._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, the couple of people asking about the next chapter, for being patient with me...headaches are stupid but I was finally able to hammer something out. I hope you enjoy it! <3


	5. Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which both Niles and Tsubaki lose sleep for terribly different reasons.

Niles wove through the Nohrian encampment, silent as a cat. He realized he was scowling only because he was grinding his teeth, adding to an already burgeoning headache. It felt like rain was coming. Pressure built behind his ruined eye--something he’d gotten used to over the years. Deep scars ached when storms threatened, and his head was a reliable barometer--something the healers never seemed to warn people about.

Not that the mop-up job on his bleeding face all those years ago had been done by a proper healer.

Niles’ frown deepened, and he had to remind himself to stop scowling since it would only worsen the pounding in his head. He pushed his tent flap aside, relieved to be alone only to be accosted by a far too eager Odin hunkering in the near dark next to his cot.

“So, how did it go?”

“What are you doing in here?” Niles dropped onto his mussed sheets, closing his eye. He was in no mood for this.

“The twists and turns of fate did not reveal the night’s course unto me and--”

“Fewer words,” Niles hissed, warning in his tone.

“I was curious,” Odin said, contrite.

“You should learn to not invade others’ privacy,” Niles sighed, already resigning himself to the fact he’d not get any rest until he gave the other man what he wanted.

“ _You_ sneak through my quarters--or tent--all the time,” Odin countered, no real rancor in the words.

Niles rolled to his side so he could fix the persistently nosy dark mage with a proper glare.

“Do you want me teach you some manners, then?”

“Odin Dark does not fear your threats. Unfathomable power coils even now at my fingertips, awaiting my command--”

“Stop, _please_ ,” Niles fell back onto his back, laying one arm over his aching forehead. It was too much. Every moment he’d spent with the (stupidly, perfectly, sweetly beautiful) Hoshidan sky knight had driven spikes of guilt and pain deeper into his heart. The rice wine hadn’t helped matters. Niles hated himself, but hated Tsubaki the Perfect even more--and, as it turned out, apparently adored him, too. It was absurd. It was wrong.

It was pleasure unlike anything he had ever known. And losing control, letting himself sink into the other man’s beauty--

_I’ve made a terrible mistake._

“I’m sorry,” Odin replied after a moment, voice blessedly quieter than before. “I’ll just go--”

“It-- _he_ \--was too good,” Niles cut in quietly.

“What?”

Niles felt air stir and heard fabric rustle as Odin moved closer. He shoved the pillow away to look up at the other man, a little taken aback by the concern on his fellow retainer’s face.

“He’s _too_ perfect,” Niles repeated himself with what he hoped was a dismissive wave of his hand.

Odin tilted his head, reminding Niles of an owl, eyes wide and dark and pale hair sticking up wildly.

“There is no such thing in this plane of being as perfection--therefore no such thing as ‘too perfect.’ Odin Dark would even venture to say that Niles of Nohr has cold feet. Hard to creep about when your toes are numb…”

“And Niles of Nohr thinks Odin Dark should mind his own before he finds a dagger at his throat.”

The other man gazed down at him, a strange expression on his face. Odin finally shrugged. “Fine. Sleep on it. See what the auguries of your dreams have to show you. You know where to find me when you need my wisdom,” he added, and left the tent without another word.

_Well, that was weirder than usual._

Niles lay on his back in the semi-darkness, unable to sleep or even be at rest. His own words repeated in his mind, over and over…

 _He’s_ too _perfect._

If he closed his eye and concentrated, he could still taste Tsubaki’s kiss on his lips, almost feel the not at all gentle scrape of blunt nails over his back. He could almost hear Tsubaki moan his name, trying to stifle his pleasure and failing, miserably--even more gorgeous when undone than Niles could have ever dreamed. Niles ran his tongue almost instinctively over his bottom lip, shivering a little.

What would have happened if he had stayed by the other man’s side? If he had pressed the issue...

He had gone into the evening planning only to toy with Tsubaki a little, to test some limits and see what it would take to make the other man wilt.

Turns out, his pretty Camellia had turned the tables--Niles had been the one to lose control.

_Mine. Why am I already thinking of him as mine? Dangerous territory...and how could a spoiled, prissy thing like him ever let someone like me claim him?_

_How can I be so stupid?_

Niles felt the scowl return to his lips. Just because Lord Leo had spared him didn’t mean he had any worth beyond what he was told to do in service of his liege. Surely Tsubaki the Perfect had some twisted game of his own going--some reason for giving himself over to Niles so easily.

_Maybe he wants to drag himself into the mire with me. Maybe he thinks he can purge the broken parts of himself in my company. Maybe he wants to prove a point…_

Niles snarled quietly to himself, a warning to his own mind. A reminder of what he had learned in such ugly ways, bleeding out, abandoned by even the lowest filth, rescued in an illogical act of mercy after he had asked for death--

_He will hurt you. He will show his true nature. They all do…_

Niles lay on his back, eye open, rice wine and anger roiling in his stomach and regret a thing sharp and ugly twisting his heart.

#

Tsubaki walked back to his tent as if in a dream, basket in the crook of one arm, his hair a mess that he did not entirely bother to right. Smoothing it back would feel like negating what had just happened so he settled for tying it low at his neck, letting the loose strands dance around his face in the cool night breeze. He did not even stop by the stable. He put one foot in front of the other, quiet and sure, sandals making only the quietest little thuds on the soft earth.

He was relieved that he did not meet anyone as he walked and when he arrived at his tent, it felt like a decade and no time at all had passed in the evening’s span. Tsubaki lit only one small lamp and stood for a moment in the dimness, forefinger pressed to his lips.

Niles’ kiss had been...intense.

 _Kisses_ , Tsubaki corrected himself.

His own responses...well, those had been something entirely new as well. Tsubaki had never been allowed to be free in such a way, had never been so deliciously manhandled and had most _certainly_ never been encouraged to let loose in return, biting, licking, begging…

His face heated but he could not find himself ashamed. At least, not as much as usual. It was impossible to feel entirely shamed when he remembered the fierce desire in the other man’s blue eye, or when he recalled Niles’ words-- _You’re too beautiful to be allowed._

Thrills chased up and down his spine just remembering the huskiness in the Nohrian’s voice, the possessiveness of Niles’ gaze.

Tsubaki let his hand drop to his side and walked to the small, plain polished-metal mirror that hung over his clothes chest. He studied himself in the low light, lifting his chin. His hair was indeed messier than normal, but still sleek and shining where strands framed his face. He turned a little to the side and his robe slipped low, baring a small part of his right shoulder. Tsubaki gasped. He leaned in closer, moving the fabric so he could be sure.

A crescent moon bruise, one part of it scored where teeth had broken the skin…

“ _Niles_ ,” Tsubaki whispered, tracing a careful finger over the mark. The shivers from before turned into jolts of lightning, desire at the remembered touches threatening to overwhelm him.

 _Nobody ever claims me. Nobody ever approaches me first._ He _kissed_ me _._

_Nobody has ever wanted me like this._

Niles had not seemed to be the kind of man to give himself over to physical intimacy easily, despite the leers and teasing. Yet twice now, he had lain hands on Tsubaki in ways that were almost achingly intimate. Tsubaki pressed his index finger into the bruise, shuddering when the pain, both dull and hot, hit. He closed his eyes and let himself remember the night’s diversions in exquisite detail.

_He pushed me onto the blanket. He lay on top of me, pinning me, kissing me so hard it hurt. He stole my breath. He tasted my skin with his tongue and bruised it with his teeth._

Another press to the mark on his shoulder...Tsubaki moaned aloud.

_He tasted like sake. He smelled like winter._

_He called me ‘perfect,’ a ‘good boy.’_

But most of all, Niles had stayed. He stayed all evening next to Tsubaki, weathering his ire, the outlaw’s own digs not nearly so sharp as normal. More than the kisses, more than the way Niles had held him down, boldly taking and giving alike...more than the delicious friction of the other man’s leg against his arousal or the praise was that one moment...That _perfect_ moment.

The moment just before the kiss where Niles slid up beside him, nuzzling Tsubaki’s head with his chin, such tenderness in his touches.

_The way it felt, just for a moment, as if he adored me._

Tsubaki took a long, shuddering breath. He folded himself cross-legged onto his futon and, as the lamp burned itself out, lost himself to a place between wakefulness and sleep, a place where a warm hand waited to share his burdens and where kisses were given freely rather than earned.

 


	6. Pain Without Pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niles finds himself unable to resist his old, familiar, unhealthy tendencies, causing Tsubaki pain of an entirely different kind than before. Odin tries to intervene, but Niles and Tsubaki both walk away feeling new and entirely unpleasant kinds of despair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff gets all emo up in here, but I'm pretty sure next chapter will give them both some relief. Posted after editing only once so if there are mistakes, chances are I'll fix them in the coming days. I hope you enjoy and thanks as always for reading! <3

Niles awoke to a morass of anger, disgust and guilt weighing on his chest. Rain pelted the tent, chill droplets leaking in here and there, mirroring his mood.

With effort, Niles forced himself out of his cot and into the day’s duties. _Of course_ Lord Leo would have a far more than usual number of messenger-boy tasks lined up than on any sunny day. Niles accepted all of Leo’s orders with his usual grace but stalked about in the sideways rain and mud, securing all items his Lord had requested, ducking into so many tents to deliver sealed parchment envelopes that he lost count, and descending into the darkest mood he had known in a long time.

Last night haunted him, though he did not want to admit it. Perhaps it was good he was dashing about performing mundane tasks and not holed away brooding.

One of his errands brought him into the Hoshidan sector of the camp. He sought out the quartermaster Lord Leo had noted in his instructions, finally locating her sheltering alongside the wyvern and pegasus area of the practice yard. Only two soldiers sparred, neither of them the man Niles dreaded seeing with a vehemence he did not want to dwell upon. Niles concluded his business as quickly as possible, ducking away towards the far side of the enclosure, hoping nobody would notice him.

He should have known better than to hope.

“Niles?”

Niles walked faster but footsteps picked up pace behind him. He looked over his shoulder to see his Camellia--to see _Tsubaki,_ he corrected himself _\--_ fall into step neatly at his elbow, utterly unfazed, his hair a darker red from the rain, braided tightly down his back. Raindrops shivered on those fair cheeks, trembled on the soft curve of the other man’s bottom lip...a curve bowed in the softest hint of a smile.

 _Gods damn it._ How dare he be so beautiful when everything else in Niles’ world felt stained, muddy as the earth beneath his boots?

“I did not think I would have the pleasure of seeing you before tomorrow night,” Tsubaki ventured, leaning just a little towards Niles in that guileless, maddeningly breathtaking way of his.

“I did not expect to give you that pleasure,” Niles bit out, the words harsh with all of the jagged, complicated emotions that had been building since the night before. To his credit, Tsubaki deflected the harshness with only the most barely-noticeable blink before his composure smoothed immediately into place.

For some reason, that resilience bothered Niles far more than answering anger would have.

“Do not you have time or desire for company?” Tsubaki asked, managing to look both enticingly vulnerable and as regal as any of the Hoshidan royal despite wearing sodden, mud splattered livery and standing in a puddle. “I can spare the time to walk with you wherever it is you’re going,” he added.

Niles made the mistake of looking— _really_ looking—at the other man’s face. A hint of the barely-repressed hunger Tsubaki had revealed the night before glinted in the sky-knight’s amber eyes.

What game was he playing at?

“Neither, as it turns out,” Niles said tightly.

Tsubaki opened and closed his mouth, but did not object. “Will I see you tomorrow eve, then?”

Niles hoisted his errand pack higher on his shoulder and paused in his footsteps. They stood fully in the rain now without the awning covering them. Niles remembered, against his will, sinking his teeth into the deliciously warm skin of the other man’s shoulder, tasting the tang of blood on his tongue, Tsubaki’s insensate moans and instinctively rocking hips quickening the desire that plagued Niles even now. He reached out to the other man’s collar, deft fingers accustomed to lock picking and sleight of hand making quick work of damp lacings. Tsubaki froze in place while, in plain sight (though there was really nobody around to see), Niles exposed Tsubaki’s chest and examined the mark he had left with almost clinical interest. He smoothed two fingers over the bitten-arc, catching Tsubaki’s gaze. With abrupt force, he ground both nails into the broken skin.

“ _Ngh_ …” Tsubaki grunted softly through clenched teeth, staring at Niles in disbelief, forehead drawn in a mix of desire and pain.

Beautifully visceral pain. Borrowed pain that shot savage pleasure straight to Niles’ groin with an intensity that made him dizzy.

_Perfect. You are so perfect. Exquisite. I could never deserve you…_

_Nothing I do will ever be good enough for me to deserve you._

Tsubaki did not move. He stared at Niles, lips parted, raindrops studding his collarbones and jeweling his hair.

“Your _twisted_ really is showing today, Camellia,” Niles murmured with a smile then turned away and left the other man standing in place, collar undone, hands in fists at his sides.

#

Tsubaki did not sleep that night. He had not slept the night before, either, but for much more pleasant reasons. Starry daydreams and memories of lust-frenzied touches faded now into a coldness that hurt his heart.

He could not figure out what he had done wrong. What he had said that was incorrect, undesirable, or displeasing…

He played it over and over in his mind at first, grasping at any tiny detail. Nothing made sense. Niles’ coldness to him had been thorough, his brief touch lacking any of the warmth from before and instead replaced by a cruelty that had almost frightened him.

That sort of pain without warmth was, Tsubaki found, a terrible thing.

He poked at the bruise on his shoulder as he had done the night before, determined not to let it fade. It was punishment—punishment for trusting the other man. For letting down his guard.

_For somehow disappointing him…He has no right. No right to make me feel this way._

Though he did not understand what had brought on the change in Niles’ behavior towards him, he could not help a desperate craving for more of what they had shared the time they’d met. He was starving for Niles’ possessive touch and his whispered approval so strongly that it was _wrong_.

It was against his better judgement that Tsubaki showed up at their appointed spot.

 _“I will be free two nights from now, two hours after sundown,”_ Niles had said.

Tsubaki sat on the same blanket as the last time they had met, wearing plain work-clothing because of the lingering damp and chill. The stars were finally peeking through shreds of cloud and he shivered, drawing into himself. He had waited for over an hour already. This time he had managed to procure what he was told to be a particularly nice Nohrian red wine. Tsubaki tested it, the flavor fruity and sweet on his tongue. It was almost a dessert, thick and rich. He’d never had anything like it, and decided to replace the cork, not wanting to idly keep sampling until he was too fuzzy-headed to think.

_I need my head on my shoulders…just in case. Just in case he comes._

Twice, Tsubaki thought he heard footsteps and at one point he swore he spied a flash of white in one of the treetops across the ridge. Before he had time to investigate, far heavier footfalls than Niles’ squelched through the mud nearby.

“Niles?” A familiar voice called out. “I do not mean to interrupt, but Odin Dark bears news from our liege. Are you there?”

The footsteps paused. Tsubaki sighed, glad he had not worn his kimono or paid any particular attention to his appearance. Odin surely knew he had interest in the Nohrian rogue, but there was no need for it to be _obvious_.

“He is not here tonight, Odin,” Tsubaki replied loudly enough for the other man to hear, but not for his voice to carry into the camp proper.

“Tsubaki?” Odin picked through the hedges, making far more noise than seemed possible for any one man to manage.

“I have not seen him all evening,” Tsubaki offered simply, looking up at the other man.

Odin peered around the clearing as if not convinced. “I have not found him anywhere, either. The darkrealms tell me nothing of his whereabouts. I secured the location of this place of contemplation, sky gazing and other pleasures so that I could seek Niles out in case of emergency but…” Odin paused, then shrugged. “Lord Leo won’t be happy if I cannot find him and Niles can hide better than an alley cat.”

“I am sorry I cannot be of any help,” Tsubaki said politely, offering nothing more.

Odin made his way closer, stopping at the edge of the blanket. “May I join you in your moments of solitary contemplation?”

Tsubaki inclined his head in assent, now kneeling properly, his posture alert.

Odin plunked down next to him, placing his sandals on the grass next to the blanket. “Were you supposed to meet him tonight?” The dark mage asked, blunt as ever.

Tsubaki hummed in reply, idly straightening the fastening of the basket in which he’d stored the wine and carefully-wrapped rice snacks.

“I sense through the shadows of this place that not all is well, Tsubaki of Hoshido. Did…did he stand you up?” Odin asked more hesitantly this time, tone gentled.

Tsubaki looked up at the other man in the darkness, pale hair—wheat yellow, not white—framing his strong, pleasingly open face. Odin certainly had the build of a battle-mage, for all his bluster. Wide shoulders stretched the limits of the sheer fabric over his arms and the open cut of his uniform gave Tsubaki a lovely view of bulked pectorals and hard, ridged abs. And up close…

_He’s handsomer than I realized. His eyes are kind. In other circumstances, what would it be like to know a man like him more?_

Tsubaki realized he’d been staring, cheeks heating. To be caught in such a manner, jilted, ogling Niles’ fellow retainer in his exhaustion, despair and confusion…

_What is happening to me?_

“No, I can see not all is well,” Odin repeated himself.

“Indeed,” Tsubaki finally admitted, his voice dull.

“Do you want to talk about it? Let it not be said that Odin Dark refused a heart in need.”

Tsubaki angled a gaze at the other man, still taken aback by his bold way of speaking. The concern on Odin’s face was genuine, though, a warmth so real that Tsubaki found himself for a moment disarmed.

“I am…unused to discussing such matters,” he said, deciding to be cautiously honest with the strange dark mage. Odin already knew he was at a disadvantage, so dodging the issue would only make him look silly. “I am not sure how to begin.”

“Begin wherever it is easiest. And you are not the only one who finds it hard to show his heart. Niles seemed not himself the other night. I offered the wisdom of the shadowy deeps but alas…I’d sooner get a stone to talk.”

Tsubaki flinched. If Niles had been upset enough by their time together that Odin had commented upon it, did it mean the things the rogue had whispered against his lips, scraped and nipped over his skin, murmured between licks and kisses were all empty and void?

“I do not know where I went wrong,” Tsubaki admitted, horrified to hear his voice break. “I offered of myself like I never do. He…he said I was _perfect_ ,” Tsubaki added, the words husky.

“Mmmm. He _did_ say you were perfect,” Odin replied slowly. He leaned close enough to Tsubaki that their shoulders brushed. Tsubaki shivered in the sudden warmth of his nearness, but did not dare move any closer himself.

“He did? I don’t understand.” Tsubaki glanced at Odin, frowning.

“I asked him how your tryst went and—“

“Tryst? You assumed that we were _trysting_?” Tsubaki cut in, shocked by Odin’s familiarity.

“Easy, Tsubaki…hear me out. I knew you were spending time together. Odin Dark is curious, and has never known Niles to take such an interest in someone before you so yes, I asked how it went.”

Tsubaki exhaled slowly, willing the tension in his body to unfurl. He was never so recklessly open around others…especially regarding matters of the heart.

“Ah. I see,” he said as calmly as possible.

“And he told me you are perfect. _Too_ perfect,” Odin amended, looking for a moment almost apologetic.

“Too perfect…” Tsubaki echoed, despair bleeding through him, hot and cruel.

Odin pivoted where he sat so that one hand pressed to the blanket behind Tsubaki, nearly enveloping him in a cavern of body warmth and the mage’s brisk, clean-linen scent. He lifted his other hand carefully, just barely trailing a finger down the lock of hair that, no matter what Tsubaki did, always seemed to free itself from its binds.

“I know there is no such thing as ‘too perfect,’” Odin said, voice soft. “Perfection in this realm is nothing but a fantasy, a dream sent from the Void to call us to despair. But Niles…”

“Yes?” Tsubaki prompted, not bothering to hide his eagerness to hear what the dark mage had to say.

Odin shook his head, then moved his hand away from Tsubaki’s hair, this time brushing his knuckles ever so gently along his jaw. Tsubaki leaned into the touch without realizing it, though what he felt in that moment was so different than when Niles’ fingers met his skin. Odin’s touches were purposeful but mostly chaste, meant to comfort rather than entice.

“He is a broken man. I do not envy the one who must fight through the barbed walls around his heart. I…I think he is threatened by your beauty, Tsubaki. The idiot,” Odin added, though not without a hint of warmth for his friend. He touched the tip of one finger to Tsubaki's lips then drew away, giving him room to breathe.

“I cannot be anything other than what I am,” Tsubaki muttered, looking down at his fingers pressing to the tops of his thighs, still and not shaking. “I should not have to be anything other than what I am. I’ve worked hard, spent my entire life perfecting all aspects of myself…’too perfect’ is not a kind thing to say.”

“No, it is not,” Odin agreed. “But do not let this weigh on you, Tsubaki of Hoshido. I don’t think Niles could stay away from you for long though if he’s _too_ cruel, I hope you’ll take care of yourself.” He smiled at Tsubaki, teeth flashing in the darkness.

“I always do,” Tsubaki said with the brightest smile he could muster, and joined the other man in standing. He bowed low, and Odin reached out, patting his arm awkwardly.

“Will you be well on your own tonight?” Odin asked, reaching for his sandals.

“I will, thank you,” Tsubaki said with conviction he did not feel.

“I must find the devil we speak of, or Lord Leo may yet have our hides. Please be well, Tsubaki.” Odin took Tsubaki's hand in his, brushing his lips over the knuckles in a chaste kiss then bobbed his head in farewell.

Tsubaki stood for a moment, grateful for Odin’s concern and at the same time, confused, embarrassed that he’d needed such support in the first place.

_I am weak. My cracks are showing. What has he done to me?_

He sighed, packing away the blanket, tangible evidence of his failure. Tsubaki walked back to the Hoshidan camp, tall and proud but sick with the pain that threatened to take over, and that he knew would yet again rob him of sleep.

#

Niles watched Odin strolling away from the place where he knew Tsubaki had been. A guilty thrill coursed through him at the thought of beautiful, pristine and so very broken Tsubaki sitting alone in the darkness under the sky, pining for him—waiting for an hour or more past their appointed meeting time.

Why Odin had gone there—

As Odin drew closer to the tree where he’d kept his silent vigil, Niles grew more agitated. He leaped neatly from his perch and landed with a soft thud directly in front of his fellow retainer, startling Odin enough that magic glowed in the air around him.

“Do not sneak up on Odin Dark in such a way if you do not wish to risk your mortal soul,” Odin snapped, tetchier than usual.

“And what was Odin Dark doing, consorting with my Camellia, hmm?” Niles smiled at Odin, knife-sharp and cold.

“ _Your_ Camellia? Tsubaki waited for you all night. Why was Niles of Nohr not tending to his flower?” Odin shot back, not smiling.

“What is between us is none of your concern.”

“Isn’t it? I will have you know, Lord Leo has had me on the search for you these past two hours on a mission of urgent importance. We're planning an ambush campaign in two days and he needs us. It was my duty to seek you out, Niles.”

“I had the night off as far as I knew,” Niles said with a dismissive shrug.

They walked towards the Norhian camp but Odin paused, stepping fast enough he blocked Niles’ path.

“He was miserable, you know. He had no idea what he'd done to deserve whatever you did to him.”

Niles shuddered in sick delight at Odin’s words.

“Oh? Tell me more about his pain,” he cajoled, edging into Odin’s personal space.

“This is no joking matter, Niles. You are toying with him, and it's not right.”

Niles frowned at Odin, slow anger heating his blood. “Why do _you_ care so much about this?” He heard the venom in his words and that somehow spurred him on, his own guilt and shame making his cruelty more pointed. “Can’t you get any action yourself, or do you have to live vicariously through others?”

Odin visibly wilted, eyes wide, no words on his tongue for a change. Niles stared back. When Odin broke the silence, his voice was colder than Niles had ever heard it.

“I have reasons for not being able to...form attachments. _Good_ reasons. I would _never_ think to treat someone like you have Tsubaki...to punish him just because he’s beautiful, is and talented and hard working. If a man like him looked at me the way he does you…” Odin clenched and unclenched his fist. None of his theatrics remained--just frustration and something harder to read...something Niles had never seen on his fellow retainer’s face.

“What, you’re in love with him now?”

“You know, you're not a nice guy sometimes, Niles. And you’re both playing this like the ballad of the sun and the moon—an old fairytale where I am from. The jealous moon basks in the light of the beautiful sun, unable to stop following its golden love despite the disgust and resentment it harbors. Yet the sun is only what it is, and the moon is no less beautiful for shining less brightly than the sun but it's too stupid and selfish to understand this..."

Niles scoffed, a sudden and potent wave of jealousy tearing through him. It was an awful feeling--sickness in his stomach, fire under his skin, chills up and down his spine.

“If you think he’s so pretty and I’m so full of awfulness, maybe _you_ should be the one courting him. After this campaign is over, I’ll take your duties for Lord Leo so you can go get Mr. Perfect willing and on his back, begging you to break him like I would have--”

“Stop.” Odin snarled the one word. He was angrier than Niles had ever seen him, cheeks livid. “Gods, Niles. Just stop. You’re clearly in no place to talk about this.” Odin faltered for a moment. “That was cruel, even for you. Do not speak another word to me until we reach Lord Leo, as I don’t trust myself to resist the surges of darkness in my current state.”

“Fine by me,” Niles shrugged, all the while everything in him ached to break away…to seek out the Hoshidan and taste Tsubaki’s wildness, to feel the little shivers Niles’ touches teased from his sensitive body even through layers of clothing, to silence Tsubaki’s words with his lips and tongue and hips.

_I could have been there with him tonight…ordering him to do as I say, listening to him beg for my touches. I could have taken the lessons in control further by holding him down, taking him with my mouth, not letting him come until I said so…_

_I could have made him happy_ , Niles thought with a dull ache where his heart should be.

Niles curled his fingers into his palm so hard the nails bit into skin, forcing his expression to blank as he followed Odin into Lord Leo’s tent.

I _could have been happy with_ him _._


	7. Of Relief/Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Niles gets wise, and Tsubaki gets spanked. Contains mild-ish smut.

Tsubaki had no idea what hour it was, sitting in the darkness and lost in the mire of his thoughts.

What had happened with Niles had shaken him to his center, and his interactions with Odin earlier in the night bothered him more than he’d realized.

Odin hadn’t sought out Tsubaki but had found him all the same, had comforted him--that so very _gentle_ touch to his hair, and even gentler fingers skimming his face, careful consideration in the dark mage’s movements. There was something familiar about the other man’s caresses and concern.

 _He reminds me of Mamoru_.

Mamoru, the only one Tsubaki had ever let his guard down with before Niles.

_Mamoru touched me like that. Like I was precious and might shatter._

For a heated, breathless moment Tsubaki had thought he might kiss Odin--or more. The sting from Niles’ rejection was raw and Odin was so close to him, touching, soothing, handsome and solid in his muscled, blond way.

But something besides his persistent desire for Niles had stopped Tsubaki.

 _Mamoru_. Even though the other man looked nothing like Odin, his mannerisms had at times been eerily similar. He, too, was a mage, and had served the Hoshidan royal family from birth just as Tsubaki had. He was strong like Odin was, confident—black shaggy hair instead of blond, less theatrical but comforting and steady. Tsubaki had come close to giving Mamoru his heart.

_Until the night we were together for the first time...I ruined it all in one moment._

Naked in Mamoru’s arms, kissing heavily, lost in a fog of desire, Tsubaki had bitten the other man’s neck, nails digging into Mamoru’s back, begging for things he shouldn’t have…

_Punish me. Make me feel it in the morning. Don’t hold back..._

Mamoru was offput by such violence of affection, so that was that. Tsubaki had not taken a lover since. The soft affection he’d seen in Odin’s eyes was so like Mamoru’s that Tsubaki had instinctively drawn away. And good thing, too—there was no room in Tsubaki’s heart at the moment for any other than Niles.

Niles, who had seen this need in him and teased out his fears as deftly as if Tsubaki’s heart were a lock to be picked.

“Bastard,” Tsubaki hissed, surprising himself with the vehemence in the one word. He was losing control of himself.

_Losing control...wasn’t that the lesson?_

Tsubaki made up his mind. He wasn’t sleepy anyway…he would feel like hell tomorrow all the same, so he might as well make it worthwhile. He stood slowly, taking a breath to center himself. He lit his lamp and began by dressing his hair, applying the same tonic he would before serving Lady Sakura at a banquet, or attending a matter of state at his liege’s side. Though he tied it back simply, he brushed it until the locks gleamed. He then cleaned his teeth and face, holding the damp cloth under his eyes longer than normal to reduce tiredness as much as possible. He shed his sleeping clothes and dressed in his simple gray kimono, sliding his feet into sandals. He paused, then grabbed a sheet of writing paper and a pot of ink, scribing words in common as neatly as he could before folding the sheet and tucking it into his robe.

 _I’ll show that Nohrian rogue that even_ he _has some things to learn about control_ , Tsubaki thought with a defiant lift of his chin.

_I’ll show him what it’s like to really want me._

#

Niles had somehow given himself over to sleep--still in his clothes, slumped on his bedding haphazardly, eyepatch still in place. That terrible weight from the events of the past two days pressed on his heart and twisted his stomach even in the darkness of his nightmares.

He woke up with a start, rustling sounding nearby. Niles snatched up a stray arrow, tip trained toward the entrance to his tent before he’d even had a chance to think but the voice that called to him shocked him more awake than any threat of danger.

“Niles? Are you there?”

Tsubaki…it couldn’t be. Not after all he’d done to hurt the other man--

“Camellia?” Niles murmured, tugging the flap open in one quick gesture. Tsubaki stood waiting calmly, looking ethereal in a pale kimono, his skin blanched by the moonlight.

“Call me by my given name, please,” Tsubaki said with a strange, tight smile.

“Tsubaki…what are you doing here?” Niles tossed the arrow onto the chest beside his cot and ran tired fingers through knotted hair.

“May I come in?”

“Sure, go on,” Niles heard himself say in his most noncommittal drawl despite the fact his heart was crowding his throat and his blood was cold and hot in his veins.

Tsubaki held his gaze a little too long before brushing past him, fastidiously tying the flap closed behind him. He rustled around in Niles’ space, offering no explanation. Niles watched a small, shivering light surround the other man as he lit the lamp sitting atop a stack of small crates.

Unease and...something _else_ thrilled through Niles, something his instincts hinted but that his logical mind could not believe to be true.

Attraction _,_ tight as a tripwire in the air between them.

The guilt that punched through Niles’ chest at the realization of what he felt for the other man was a new--and awful--sensation.

“Sit with me,” Tsubaki whispered into the heavy quiet. He nodded towards Niles’ cot. When Niles didn’t move, Tsubaki waved one hand at the messy pile of blankets and canvas that served as Niles’ bedding. “You first,” Tsubaki prompted, a hint of impatience in his tone.

“I’m unarmed, lovely--no need to be on the defensive,” Niles offered, feeling the need to leer, to tease--to say something to lighten the tension between them.

Tsubaki didn’t reply or move so Niles shrugged and collapsed onto his cot, leaning on one arm, legs splayed in a show of nonchalance he did not at all feel. When he’d settled himself, Tsubaki watched him for another moment, head tilted as if he was trying to decide his next move. His expression was unreadable, though even in the barely-there light, Niles could see a muscle working in the sky-knight’s jaw, the faint shadows of exhaustion under his eyes.

_And he’s still so damn gorgeous even tired and hurt, standing there like a gift from the gods…_

That last thought twisted Niles’ heart, words of apology itching at his tongue but never making it past the weight of whatever was happening here.

“I’m continuing our lesson,” Tsubaki finally said, lips curving for an instant in a disquieting smile.

“Oh?” Niles couldn’t help the curiosity he heard, obvious and rough in his own voice.

“Mmm,” Tsubaki replied as in a graceful, fluid movement he teased away the loosely knotted belt around his waist with one hand, and undid the leather tie at the back of his neck with the other.

Tsubaki’s hair came loose first. Niles gazed up, enraptured by the soft, gleaming fall that cascaded past the other man’s shoulders, red and copper in the gentle lamplight.

Niles’ breath caught audibly but he couldn’t care.

He could only stare, transfixed, as Tsubaki rolled his shoulders, his robe falling away.

_“Camellia…”_

Dove gray cotton crumpled to the floor around Tsubaki’s feet, his sandals already quietly discarded by the entrance to the tent. Tsubaki stood for a moment above him wearing only smallclothes, offering Niles a chance to study him. His gaze took in Tsubaki’s long, strong legs and arms, the narrow trail of rust-red hair below the dip of his navel, disappearing under white cotton--up again over tight belly and pecs rising and falling with carefully quieted breath, the pale arch of his throat, soft hair spilling down his shoulders and back and not quite hiding the mark Niles had left that night that felt like a million years ago…

“Why?” Niles rasped, eye wide in lust strong enough it felt like panic.

Tsubaki stepped over the robe and other clutter on the floor and edged onto the cot with Niles, all heat and naked skin...limbs now trembling slightly. The other man eased himself into the space between Niles’ legs so that he lay over him, Niles on his back, Tsubaki’s right arm looped around his neck and body twisted to the side so that his other hand could roam freely.

“Tsubaki?” Niles persisted, and there was no more casual nonchalance in his voice.

Tsubaki kept his silence. Fingers still chilled from the night air toyed with Niles’ collar, parting his shirt, trailing lower to skim over the growing bulge in his breeches. Tsubaki dipped his head down, a curtain of hair spilling around them both and Niles was enveloped in him--his floral scent, a whispered curse, then a hand working with purpose between Niles’ legs as the sky knight’s lips crushed to his. Tsubaki slid his tongue over Niles’ in a shockingly lewd rhythm, a low moan rough in his throat. He leaned in even closer, heavy on Niles’ chest, touches growing more insistent.

Niles lay there, transfixed, while Tsubaki kissed him into dumb bliss. He dragged himself enough from his stupor to skim his own hands over all of the delicious, bare skin offered to him--softer than Niles had dreamed, but not hiding the soldierly strength of the man on top of him, the hard planes of muscle honed from years of training and combat. While Niles thought he’d die from the teasing friction over his hardness and the increasingly messy kisses stealing his breath, Tsubaki drew away, panting, both hands resting on Niles’ chest.

“Why did you come back?” Niles finally articulated, asking what he’d meant to all along.

“Lift your hips,” Tsubaki urged, more breathless than before.

Niles opened his mouth to speak but found himself instead complying, watching with fascination as the other man hitched both his breeches and smallclothes away in a series of deft tugs. The moment Niles’ backside met the blanket, Tsubaki was upon him, pressing down onto his hips in a show of strength, pinning him in place.

“Tsu-Tsubaki--” Niles stuttered, composure shattering when warm, wet lips trailed down his stomach, teasing at thighs, breath tickling at his skin. “I don’t deserve this,” he heard himself saying. None of his cavalier mannerisms remained--only raw pleasure mingling with disbelief.

“You are getting _exactly_ what you deserve,” Tsubaki whispered against his inner thigh before biting down so hard that pain tore, hot and white, through Niles’ vision.

“Gods, _yessss_ ,” Niles hissed, bucking upwards.

Tsubaki enveloped him in lips and tongue, one hand wandering lower to caress and tease. Niles groaned brokenly but when Tsubaki shifted between his legs, plunging him down his throat, he let loose a chain of curses lewd enough to make a sailor blush. The sky knight took this as encouragement to double his efforts, pulling away to score Niles’ inner thighs with not at all gentle teeth, going back over to soothe with that teasing tongue before taking him deeper than before.

_I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve him. I don’t--_

Tsubaki now attended to him with all the care and skill of a courtesan. The sight of the other man's head moving between his legs, red hair against Niles' own brown skin, the wet sounds and eager humming that added layers of pleasure to what Tsubaki was doing with those clever lips and throat and tongue...Niles' body went tight then trembled so violently he felt like he was losing his mind then with a strangled cry, he emptied himself into Tsubaki’s mouth, eye open but unseeing, ears ringing.

Tsubaki swallowed and drew away to kneel almost primly between Niles’ splayed legs. Niles stared up at the other man, awestruck. Tsubaki’s lips were swollen, his chest sheened with sweat, his hair tousled beautifully around his face. Eyes like living amber regarded Niles for long moments. When Niles thought he would have to break the silence himself, Tsubaki leaned over and kissed him, still panting a little, Niles' own salty taste on his tongue. Niles threaded unsteady fingers through the silky red strands of hair sweat-stuck to Tsubaki’s cheek and jaw. He wrenched his lips away from the other man’s and took a deep breath.

“I messed up, Camellia. Gods. I am terrible. I--”

Tsubaki ducked in and closed his teeth lightly over Niles’ bottom lip, shutting him up. When he drew away, he flashed that same tight smile at Niles as before.

“I thought, just for a moment, about begging your fellow retainer to fuck me earlier tonight, though I don’t think he has the stomach for what I need,” Tsubaki said. His voice was thick and rough from what he’d just done, sending a fresh wave of heat surging through Niles’ blood.

“And what exactly do you need, Tsubaki?” Niles sat up, closing his legs around the other man at the same time he circled both arms around Tsubaki’s lean, warm body, crushing him close. “Do you want me to tell you how I can never be good enough for you? Do you need me to punish you for my own problems? Because that’s what I gave you for your troubles--”

“Share my burdens again,” Tsubaki rasped against Niles’ neck. “Take them from me strike by strike until I have nothing left to give.” He looked up at Niles, pleading. “You understand what I need.”

“I understand. I know what you're asking,” Niles agreed, the tension in him uncoiling so fast he felt giddy. He extracted himself from the other man and clambered out of bed, shrugging away his shirt so that he stood fully naked gazing down at Tsubaki. “Now, on your stomach, Camellia. I’m going to make this last as long as I can.”

#

Tsubaki lay on his stomach, waiting, face pressed into the blankets and Niles’ warm, spicy scent surrounding him, his taste still on Tsubaki’s tongue. He played the images over and over him his mind as he lay there...Niles’ face a mask of surprise and desire, strong brown body arching up into each of his touches, curses and praises mingling with lascivious moans, silver-white hair tousled, damp with perspiration.

Tsubaki had never felt as alive and powerful as he had moments ago, presiding over Niles’ pleasure--not even thinking to restrain the violence of his affections.

Now…

“Look at all of that long, strong Hoshidan flesh waiting to be sullied,” Niles purred above him. “Show me, lovely. A little higher--”

Tsubaki wriggled to lift his bare backside higher as asked, stomach muscles and thighs clenching to hold him in place, a slight trembling in his arms and legs in anticipation of what the other man might do.

“Tsubaki the Perfect. Sharing his burdens--and his perfect ass--with a Nohrian thief. Lucky me,” Niles added before smacking his open palm against Tsubaki’s rear.

“N-Niles,” Tsubaki moaned into the bedding.

“Now, now--no backtalk,” Niles chided, slapping Tsubaki’s increasingly raw skin three times in rapid succession.

Tsubaki had no more words--just groans of pained pleasure muffled by cotton cloth. He rose to each smack, rocking back shamelessly against Niles' hand while at the same time struggling for purchase, fighting to gain friction against his nearly painful arousal.

“And none of _that_ , either,” Niles scolded. “I’ll tell you when you can come.”

Tsubaki stilled himself, channeling every bit of restraint he could manage. For an exercise in loss of control, it felt like he was having to use a lot of his patience and poise. The delicious pain, loud smacks, incongruously gentle encouragements from Niles went on, and on and soon Tsubaki had no room for cohesive thought in his mind, no room for worry or self-doubt.

There was only the exquisite sensation of over-sensitive skin struck smartly then soothed with careful hands or lips and tongue. He felt his legs begin to shake harder, arms long used to hefting a deadly naginata even weakening from the sensations threatening to overwhelm him. His breath was ragged and harsh, his body slicked with sweat.

“Oh, such a good, obedient Camellia you’ve been. Should I give you some relief, pretty?” Niles cajoled above him, hand skimming circles on Tsubaki’s lower back.

“Please, yes. _Please_ , Niles--”

“Well, since you asked so sweetly,” Niles teased then lay over his back, reaching under Tsubaki to take his erection in hand.

"Ahhh..." Tsubaki cried out, then bit his lip, fighting to silence himself. He could taste a hint of blood on his tongue, his vision blurring in pleasure and pain.

“So responsive. So _good_ for me…” Niles encouraged as Tsubaki’s hips lurched erratically, his hyper-sensitive body past the point of decorum. “That’s right, Camellia,” Niles sang at his ear while expert hands worked their magic. He paused to land the most punishing blow yet, the crack of hand to ass obscenely loud in the quite night. "Yes! Tsubaki, gods. You’re perfect. So, so _perfect_ \--”

The words filled Tsubaki’s head, heated over his body like summer, every inch of him singing at the praise then, “Niles!” he cried out hoarsely, spilling into the other man’s hand.

Niles worked him through his climax with unerring attention then slid away for a moment, returning with a damp towel to clean up the mess Tsubaki had made.

Tsubaki collapsed onto the cot, naked, sweaty and spent, skin still humming with sensation.

Niles extinguished the light then slumped down onto the bedding next to Tsubaki, lazily throwing an arm over him. Tsubaki twisted to his side so that he could bury his hand in soft, white hair, dragging the other man’s face close to his. Niles kissed him so gently that it ached and Tsubaki shivered.

“On your other side,” Niles prompted and Tsubaki turned obediently. The other man dragged Tsubaki against him, wrapping one strong, warm arm around Tsubaki’s chest. Tsubaki sighed, feeling suddenly more exhausted than he had ever been. "Tsubaki, you're...I don't even understand this. You are _perfection_."

“I was right in coming here tonight?” he asked, eyes already closing.

“You made the perfect choice,” Niles whispered against his hair.

“I thought so,” Tsubaki yawned. He vaguely heard words trail after him as he gave in to an interlude of much-needed sleep--

_I’m sorry I hurt you._

_I’m sorry..._


	8. Not Like Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niles pretends to be asleep, Tsubaki pretends to be stealthy. They both pretend they are not feeling what they are most definitely feeling.

Niles was good at faking sleep. It was one of the earliest survival skills he’d acquired, growing up as he did…playing dead, listening, and pretending not to be a threat.

Odd that he still needed, even now, to use such a skill.

He felt his breath go slow and deep, let his limbs rest, heavy and lax, into the bedding and the man against him.

Something important had just happened, something Niles could not wrap his mind around even though his arms were full of naked, sated Hoshidan.

He should have felt lighter. The way his sky-knight had come to him, gorgeous and quietly demanding in one breath, submissive and pliant in the next…Niles did not understand. Why would a man like Tsubaki come back to him after all the terrible things he had said?

Did his Camellia know he had been lying? Posturing, trying to protect himself in the only way he knew how? Or was Tsubaki so broken he simply didn’t care, opting for any measure of pleasure and humiliation and pain he could manage?

 _No, that’s not what’s going on here. Something_ else _is happening._

Tsubaki demanded Niles take the pleasure he shamelessly (and expertly) provided. Where had he learned to do such things with just his lips, fingers and tongue? How did he know how to take it so rough? And that was just one part of it. How Tsubaki moved, how he arched his back _just_ so, how he knew when to bite instead of kiss, how even his silky hair had caressed Niles’ skin as he moved his head in debauched fervor, how he begged for Niles to degrade him, to punish him…

_How he comes alive like flame on kindling when I tell him what a good and perfect lover he is…_

Niles shifted a little, allowing a believable snore to hum from his nose and throat. He was not surprised when Tsubaki stirred beside him, making very little noise as he extricated himself from Niles’ arms. It took every bit of willpower Niles possessed not to open his eye, peek across the room, and watch the other man dress. Fabric shushed lightly, the subtle tap of feet into sandals preceding the rustle of tent-flaps.

Niles lay for a long while in the silence Tsubaki had left behind. He felt the loss of the other man’s heat far more keenly that he’d ever want to admit.

Only when he was sure Tsubaki had gone did Niles stir.

“Of course you left a note,” Niles muttered when he saw the folded and wax-stamped envelope in the place Tsubaki had been laying.

Niles, not bothering to dress or move more than was necessary, reached over and chipped away the seal with one blunt fingernail.

Tsubaki’s handwriting was surprisingly plain. Straight up and down, no left or right slant, no loops—just simple, soldierly script.

_I’m writing this before coming to you so rest assured, what follows is deliberate. My hope is to get relief—any I can find—and still leave you wanting more. I will learn to lose control. You will learn to keep it. After tonight, I ask you not to come to me for at least a fortnight unless I ask it, or unless it’s on a mission benefiting our two armies. I am grateful for the sharing of burdens—you helped me as none could. It is time for you to ease your own worries and you will start with a lesson in value. Value what is valuable, and call it as such. Do not pretend to be unaffected. When you understand what I mean, come share your burdens with me and maybe I will listen._

“Ouch.”

It stung. Niles hadn’t known that such a thing was possible.

_It’s not like I didn’t ask for it. Not like we fucked like strarstruck lovers and said our ‘love you’s'--no,  he sucked my cock and I did as he begged and beat him for his troubles. It’s not like I deserved even the first touch from him to begin with, let alone pleasure so damn intense I had to bite my own hand not to scream._

_It’s not like he loves me. Or like I love him._

_It's not like love is even something I can ever have in the first place._

#

Tsubaki walked as if in a dream but this time, the exhausted, distorted heaviness of a nightmare.

It felt like this one night had been a thousand. The moon was old, the sun was near. Wasn’t there some fairytale about the sun and the moon, and their forbidden love, and their dances full of passion for one another but never really matching up?

_Not that I am any bright thing, or that he is wholly dark. We are both flawed, terribly._

Of course his thoughts wound to Niles. The other man had not been able to hide how Tsubaki had made him feel. One hand fisting the sheets, the other tearing at Tsubaki’s skin, hair, anything he could reach, groans stifled, filthy curses not quite muffled…the way his entire body had trembled when he’d come.

_When I made him come. He said he didn’t deserve me._

Something in Tsubaki clinched, a painful pressure like a fist around his heart. He hadn’t wanted to leave. He knew Niles probably was not _really_ asleep, but the other man hadn’t stopped him…

He knew he was taking a chance. But he also knew, not doing this would be far worse.

_I need to know what game we're playing with each other. I need to understand what is happening here._

What was the Nohrian word for ‘love’ again? Corrin had taught it to Sakura once, but Tsubaki could not remember. Would it be the same sort of thing he was beginning to feel for Niles, or was there yet another Nohrian word that did it better justice? Something uneasy, something with teeth...

Tsubaki shook his head, willing that thought to go back to where it came from.

_I must not think such things. Not now, not after what happened…_

His mind chose that moment to wander to earlier…ass high, presented for his rogue’s approval. For Niles’ enthusiastic attentions. The crack of palm to sensitive skin. The rhythm of pain and soothing, pain and soothing, smack and then the adoring caresses, rough fingertips and impossibly gentle lips…

_I need to clear my head._

_I need to be free of him, just until I understand myself._

_It’s not like we’re lovers,_ Tsubaki chided himself as he let himself into his tent, laying fully clothed on his blankets.

He stared up at the tent roof, unseeing, while dawn marched towards the camp.

_It’s not like I’m falling in love._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update--life is craycray. I'll edit when I can, but just wanted to get this posted while I had the chance. Hope you enjoy! :3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niles learns about sacrifice, and Tsubaki learns about friendship. Another short chapter replete with sweetness/feels.

Niles took his stance, muscles fixing into place with familiar ease and fingers whispering over feather fletching. He exhaled, let his eye unfocus _just_ enough to sense the range around him as well as the target before him.

He let go.

The arrow struck canvas and thatching with a dull _thwack_.

“Bullseye, _again_ ,” he drawled, angling a steely smile to the Hoshidan archer standing beside him. She slung her yumi over one shoulder, shaking her head in grudging admiration.

“Were you an archer before…” she paused but not before she’d looked pointedly at Niles’ eyepatch.

“Go on, you can say it,” Niles’ smile widened. “What, cat got your tongue?”

“It’s just, archery requires extreme skill and...focus,” the woman said, looking uncomfortable.

“Such ‘skill’ is not formed in the same way by all who use it. Unless you care to dispute the evidence…” Niles nodded toward the practice target. His arrows crowded the red circle in the center—not something the woman herself could boast, though her technique was well above average. “I use _all_ of my body when I fire. I use my mind, my breath, my will. Trust me, I focus.”

_I use my disgust, my cruelty. My arrogance, my doubt. It all melts away into one moment of perfect, extreme focus._

The woman sighed. “Guess I better pay up,” she muttered and dug a hand into her trousers pocket.

Niles remembered with a shock that this had been a bet. He’d lost himself so much in the moment, in the pure instinct of connecting arrow to target—

“Don’t bother,” he said with a dismissive shrug. “Buy someone a drink or something.” He leaped the fence to retrieve his arrows from the target before the woman could protest, already lost in his own thoughts.

Why had he turned down fair-and-square winnings?

Niles paused, turning to gaze across camp in the general direction of the aerial combat training grounds. A sharp, bright hurt shocked through him at the thought of _him--_ Tsubaki, out of reach, out of his control. Maybe out of his life.

Niles tugged an arrow from the target so fiercely he snapped the shaft. The crack brought him back to his senses. He couldn’t afford to mope about. Lord Leo had Odin and him working overtime these past days--convenient, in a way. They marched this very night, after all...so yes, being busy was necessary and even good.

Good for forgetting what it was like to have the most perfect man in _both_ armies, maybe the world, with his head between Niles’ legs doing the most unspeakably delicious things with his mouth and tongue, then baring himself, heart and soul for Niles’ depravity and pleasure…

It was that ‘baring his soul’ thing that was killing Niles. Not that the physical pleasure didn’t haunt him, too. Or the other man’s words, penned so precisely and plainly that he could not doubt them.

_I am a terrible person. But I want him._

Niles hefted his bow and quiver and left the range, pushing thoughts of silken red hair and a long, lean body scented like spring out of his mind. His nerves were already tight as a drawn bowstring the closer battle loomed. This campaign was different, too--a carefully-planned, coordinated offensive--Hoshidans on one front, Nohrians on the other, layers of teams to be sent in devastating waves. Lord Leo was to command a detachment flanking the shattered east wing of the main force, ranged attackers who could ambush from uneven terrain, from cover, or even in trees and the tops of crumbling buildings. Niles and Odin both had been busy day and night for a week, preparing.

Tsubaki was probably thoroughly occupied himself, seeing to his liege’s tasks, working on flying formations or weapons upkeep or wherever else the Hoshidans needed more than a little perfection…

“Niles, do you have a moment to help me?” A familiar voice interrupted his return to gloomier thoughts. Laslow, one of Prince Xander’s retainers, waited politely for him, a stack of field medic kits balanced gracefully on one arm.

“For you, of course,” Niles heard himself replying automatically, but with none of his customary leer in the words--just bland politeness.

_What has he done to me?_

He cast one more glance over his shoulder toward where Tsubaki might be training, wondering if the glint of white he saw in the sky was his Camellia’s pegasus, or just a trick of the eye.

It didn’t matter. He wouldn’t see Tsubaki before orders to march--he wouldn’t even see him after, if he abided by the other man’s wishes. For his own remaining sanity, Niles decided it was best not to think about him.

_Best to forget that I love him._

_That I want to deserve his love._

#

Tsubaki heard the news from Lady Sakura, of all people.

“Tsu-tsubaki?” Her quiet, lightly stuttering whisper sounded behind him where he was using a whetstone to sharpen spear-tips in the Hoshidan armory tent. The first Nohrian detachments had already departed the night before, and the Hoshidans were poised to begin their part of the offensive in the next couple of days.

“Milady...is everything alright?” He set down his work and stood in a quick, fluid motion when he saw the tears in his liege’s eyes.

“It was a t-trap but they just barely w-won. Just now the Nohrians are b-back and...so many people were h-hurt.”

“Hurt?” he echoed, dread seeping over him, cold and heavy. “Lady Sakura, have you been briefed?”

“They are only n-now arriving.” The princess shook her head, looking more than a little lost and clearly distressed. Tsubaki had always known that Lady Sakura was a healer, through and through--that the idea of hurting another, even an enemy, broke her heart. The tears in her eyes spilled over onto her cheeks, and the sense of dread teasing at Tsubaki’s senses intensified.

“If you would allow me, I’ll make my way to the Nohrian encampment, see what I can find out. I’m sure your brother is already being informed, but I would not like you to have to bear the unpleasantness of dealing with this, my lady.”

“Thank you. Th-thank you so much,” Lady Sakura smiled a little.

Tsubaki knew that Prince (soon to be king) Ryoma would appreciate him sparing the gentle princess from having to deal with unpleasant details. Besides…

He _went, I know. Niles was supposed to be there, guarding Prince Leo. Odin slipped a note into my tent somehow...hoped I wished them well. Of course I wish them well. I wish them safe, and protected and…_

“Please, go take rest, and I’ll make sure you are updated as soon as may be,” Tsubaki smiled back, and bowed.

Lady Sakura nodded, and wandered off to hopefully do as he’d just suggested.

Tsubaki watched her go, then peered for a moment at the spear-tip he had been honing, at the whetstone on the workbench.

_I’m sure he’s fine. He’s like an alley-cat--I have always thought so. He survives anything._

When Tsubaki crossed into the Nohrian section of the camp, the chaos was immediate.

_Like that moment a storm hits and you see it across a field, and cannot do a thing about it--_

Tsubaki, grateful he was dressed in royal Hoshidan livery so as to look more official, cut purposefully through the main sector where he knew councils were held and where the healers’ tents would be located. Soldiers darted in every direction, both Nohrian and Hoshidan.

“Pardon me--” He addressed a passing Nohrian swordswoman who looked a little less busy than some of the others. “Where might I find Lord Leo’s retainers?”

The woman thought for a minute, then pointed in the direction of a healers’ tent. “Think I saw the mage there,” she said then wandered off, looking preoccupied.

Tsubaki cut a path straight to the white canvas structure that nestled in a small grove of cherry trees. He dodged out of the way in time for a young male healer to burst through with an armful of potions, leveling a glare at Tsubaki before scurrying away. He poked his head into the tent, scanning around.

Odin lay on a cot, stripped of his bright robes, bandages covering the top half of his torso.

“Odin!” Tsubaki uttered the other man’s name in a voice that didn’t sound like his own. He darted across, neatly dodging another healer, this one with a water-bucket, and knelt at the mage’s bedside. Odin blinked sleepily over at Tsubaki--he looked exhausted, but a smile curved his lips.

“Tsubaki,” Odin said, voice still strong for one so injured. “It’s good to see your face,” he added.

“What...what happened? Will you be well, are you in much pain?” Tsubaki didn’t bother checking the deluge of words that poured from him. For once, he didn’t care about how he appeared to others, or that his composure might be slipping.

“Fire spell straight to the chest but Odin Dark prevailed in the face of overwhelming odds. Also,” Odin added, expression strange, “I had help from a true and loyal friend. I’m lucky.”

“I’m so thankful it wasn’t worse and that you were taken care of,” Tsubaki said with a smile of his own, daring to lift one hand to smooth over the other man’s spiky blond hair. “Do you need anything now? Water, potions--”

“Mmm, just do _that_ again,” Odin grinned, looking more like himself than before.

“ _That_?” Tsubaki echoed.

“Fuss over me,” Odin said, turning his head to face Tsubaki.

“Ahhh,” Tsubaki nodded, sitting up on his knees so he could pet the other man’s hair more easily. “Odin...is Niles...is he…”

He could not bring himself to say the words. Even speaking Niles’ name had caught in his throat, brought a stinging to his eyes that he did not intend to allow.

“Even better off than I am,” Odin assured him, his smile softening. “He got away with a couple of nasty cuts and an arrow-graze. We didn’t lose many--just, heavier than normal injuries. But the day is ours, I’m told. That’s what matters.”

“That is most fortunate,” Tsubaki said, half to himself.

“Niles was the one to save me, you know,” Odin said, hesitant at first but voice gaining strength. “He put himself in the line of fire for me. For Lord Leo, for many of us. And because he’s got the luck of the devil, he cheated death. It was...it was incredible, Tsubaki. You should have seen him.”

“Odin…” Tsubaki tried to reply, but found again that the words would not come. That nothing could find its way past the lump in his throat, that the beating of his heart made speaking impossible in that moment.

“If...if you want, you can find him in his own tent when Lord Leo has no business with him...though there is no guarantee of when that will be. Much work still to be done.” Odin angled his head to better see Tsubaki.

“I understand very well how that goes,” Tsubaki ventured, forcing strength into his voice that he did not feel.

“Tsubaki?” Odin fixed him with a serious gaze, for a moment unblinking.

“Hmmm?” Tsubaki met the other man’s eyes, for some reason holding his breath, nervous about what was coming next.

“You _will_ go see him, won’t you? I know you were...taking some time off but I think it would do him good. Even just as a favor to your humble friend, Odin--”

Tsubaki fought the urge to look away, to contradict him. Instead of anger or the coldness that had settled in his belly at the thought of the other man in recent days, he felt only a tense, aching need and something tenuous, something so new it was hard to name.

“I will seek him out tonight, Odin--you have my word. After all, I must thank him for allowing you to be here today.” He bowed respectfully, leaning on the edge of the mage’s mattress. He was surprised when fingers gently smoothed down the loose lock of hair forever escaping from his horsetail. The touch was welcome, was steadying.

“I’m glad to hear that, Tsubaki,” Odin said, wincing as he again drew his arm back to lay at his side. “You both deserve to be happy, you know. Odin Dark has seen this.” The grand pronouncement faded to a yawn, and Odin let his eyes close. “Thank you, Tsubaki.” His breathing evened out, quiet and peaceful as Odin lapsed into sleep. Tsubaki reached out once more, petting the other man’s yellow hair for another few moments, grateful to have such a good friend.

 _I would never have known I’d find such warmth in the company of Nohrians_ , Tsubaki mused. He thought about Niles who, this exact moment, might be somewhere very nearby. Something in him heated like a bonfire fed driest kindling and at the same time, sent shivers up and down his spine.

_Who could have known our former enemy would bring such goodness into my life?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has taken so long for me to update (omg so much stuff going on wahhhhhh), and that this chapter is so short! I have the next one nearly finished, thankfully, and hope it have it up by next week if life is not a meanie and allows me the time. Thank you for your patience, and thank you as ever for reading! <3<3<3


	10. Broken, But Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niles and Tsubaki finally reach an understanding, and realize that imperfect can be exactly what is needed.

Niles of Nohr was frantic.

He’d barely taken the time to shuck his bloodied leather hauberk and certainly didn’t bother changing out his sweaty shirt for something cleaner. He tugged his blue cloak--tattered, familiar--around his shoulders, tucked only one extra dagger into a hidden pocket then slipped through the chaos of the Nohrian encampment to where the line of Hoshidan tents began.

 _He told me not to go to him. That_ he’d _come to_ me _. I will be sorry for doing this. I will lose him but I can’t stop. I can’t help myself. I’m a glutton for punishment, after all--_

Niles, for the first time in a very long time, was giving up entirely. Giving up on any illusion of self-control he possessed, giving up maintaining the veneer of nonchalance he’d tried to keep in place in every part of his life--for Lord Leo, for his own sanity, and most especially around a very certain fiery-haired sky knight. Something about seeing Odin nearly meet his maker, about how Niles had felt himself diving in front of the other man before his mind had caught up to what he was doing, two arrows loosed into the enemy mage’s chest at once. Something about not wanting Odin to die but in that moment desperately not wanting to die himself had unspooled a tightly-wound corner of Niles’ mind and heart.

He was falling (awfully, horribly) in love with Tsubaki of Hoshido--he knew it. It was ugly and stupid of him and he had no right to ever do such a thing but there it was all the same.

_We could any of us be crow’s feed. This war is brutal. I have to tell him._

Niles jumped the wooden fence that separated the avian training area from the rest of the Hoshidan encampment. He scanned both the skies and the field--no Tsubaki to be seen. No flash of fiery hair or sky-blue livery. Niles wasted no further time, instead cutting towards the other man’s tent, fingers digging into his palm to keep himself grounded in the moment and to hide the shaking of his hands.

He crashed ungracefully into Tsubaki as the sky knight appeared on the opposite side of his lodging. Niles drew up short, unable to stifle an exhalation of surprise or smooth his expression before being noticed.

“Niles?” Tsubaki opened and closed his mouth once or twice, face pale, expression serious.

“Cam-- _Tsubaki_.” Niles almost spilled the nickname for his Hoshidan like a lie from the tip of his tongue but caught himself, enunciating the other man’s name reverently. “I know you said not to come. I know. I’m an idiot and I had to because that sweet idiot Odin and--”

His words were cut off by Tsubaki grabbing him by the sleeve of his shirt, nearly dragging him into the tent where he abruptly let go, leaving Niles staring in the suddenly dim light. He dumbly watched the other man tying the flaps shut. Tsubaki’s back was stiff and he stood oddly straight, working with halting motions that were so unlike the graceful Hoshidan’s normal mannerisms.

Niles broke the silence with desperate babble that made his cheeks heat in shame. “You can be angry at me all you want. You can tell me to sod off,  and never speak to me again and fine and well but I had to know. I had to make sure _you_ knew in case...in case one of us didn’t come back someday.” He pressed his lips together, feeling more out of his depth than he thought was possible.

It was a _terrible_ feeling. His stomach hurt, his body felt hot and cold at once. It was worse than being beaten, in a way--you could (usually) heal from a bad beating, even if the scars ached sometimes but it would never be the poisoned wound of a hurt soul and broken heart. Niles realized, he was afraid--terrified--that his Camellia might just hate him, and understandably so.

Tsubaki finally turned to face him and what Niles saw shocked him. The other man’s eyes were far too bright, his cheeks flushed vividly. A tear leaked out from the corner of one wide eye, gone almost immediately, the sky knight’s expression blanking as he struggled to compose himself.

“I’m sorry,” Niles heard himself saying, pleading. “I’m sorry I--”

Tsubaki cut him off again, this time by crossing the distance between them so quickly Niles barely had time to react. He found himself crushed to the shorter man, surrounded in his scent. Niles responded in kind, circling his arms so tightly around the Hoshidan that he could hear the other man’s breath forced from his chest.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, biting lightly at the shell of Tsubaki’s right ear. Tsubaki shivered as Niles smoothed careful fingers through the sky knight’s coppery hair, brushing against one smooth cheek along the way. He reached up again to drag one fingertip along the skin of Tsubaki’s jaw.

“Niles. I need…Please. _Please_.”

“What, lovely?” Niles coaxed, voice ragged.

Tsbuaki leaned in, whispering right at Niles’ ear, spilling chills up and down his entire body. “I need you to make love to me.”

Niles froze for a moment, unable to react, to even think. What Tsubaki had just asked...had he heard it rightly? Was he going mad?

_Make love to me?_

Love, that one word that could undo Niles from the inside out, still rang in his mind. Surely Tsubaki had not meant it like that. He had to have been lost in the fear and relief of friends in danger now safe and sound.

He could not have been asking for _that_.

_Nobody asks for that from me..._

“Niles...why aren’t you answering? Don’t you w-want--” Tsubaki stammered, gazing up at him with a pained expression that nearly tore Niles apart.

“Of course I do,” Niles said, hating the huskiness of his own voice. He couldn’t not--there was no more control. There was only desire, and Tsubaki responding to his slightest encouragements. Niles froze in bliss at the sudden pressure of Tsubaki’s hand against his back. Tsubaki moaned--soft, low in his chest but audible all the same--when Niles embraced him almost punishingly. The slow, inexorable heat he felt when he was around the sky knight, the reveling in every little sensation...he had never experienced anything like it and the pleasure scared him in its intensity. Niles shivered with sensation that, maybe for the first time in his life, he couldn’t hide. Tsubaki was _so_ warm, so real, his tongue wetting full lips as he reached up to caress Niles’ jaw. The shivers morphed into something more primal, jolts of sensation arcing straight Niles’ stomach and groin. Before he realized what was happening, the other man was flush against him, his mouth--

_On mine. Kissing me like we are the most intimate of lovers._

Every instinct in Niles’ body awoke, blooming under the precious touches Tsubaki was bestowing upon him, heating him with each teasing press of lips and slip of tongue. Niles felt adored, his hair pulled just tightly enough to hurt a little while Tsubaki slowly, patiently tasted his lips, surrounding Niles with muscled limbs, silky copper hair, with his particular floral scent.

_What is this sweetness? What is happening here?_

Niles tilted his face down, moving his lips to trail over Tsubaki's right cheek and jaw, then back to his mouth, nipping the other man’s bottom lip so that his Camellia jolted against him. He realized he was pressing one hand harder into Tsubaki’s back, the tips of his fingers roaming over a landscape of lean shoulders, down the line of the other man’s spine, back up to his neck.

“You are sure, Tsubaki?” He heard his own voice as if it were coming from outside of him, from somewhere far away.

“I wouldn't have asked were I not,” Tsubaki replied simply with one of those proud little lifts of his chin that set Niles’ instincts ablaze.

“I needed to be sure--” Niles started, but cut himself off by kissing Tsubaki until he was nearly dizzy from it. The other man clutched the neckline of Niles’ cloak in strong fingers, expression fierce.

“Then be a gentleman and take me now before I tear your clothes off where we stand,” Tsubaki said and smiled sweetly, perfectly.

“I’ll be the one handling any tearing off clothes right now,” Niles murmured, already working at the fastenings of his Camellia’s tunic. “I’ll be the one taking over from here. I will make you feel like the maddeningly perfect creature you are.”

#

Tsubaki shook so hard he felt like he might collapse. He stood in his own tent, divested of most of his clothing though still one stubborn sock hadn’t made it entirely free of his foot. Niles was down to his smallclothes, his cloak, shirt and trousers in disarray at their feet.

Niles bit hard into Tsubaki’s neck and moved his hands down to curl into the meat of his backside. The possession in Niles’ touches was what Tsubaki had always imagined a drug to be like...almost all of his control was faded into pleasure. Tsubaki swallowed back the epithet on his own tongue as Niles crushed into him, the other man’s animal moans rumbling through Tsubaki’s body. He thrilled, a jolt of adrenaline quickening his senses further still-- _he’d_ done that to Niles, had made the other man’s composure melt to nothing. Tsubaki ground his fingertips into Niles’s back, cascades of desire washing over him like storm-waves.

Niles’s fingers traced the curve of his cheek, slid down his throat, lower, lingered over the muscles of Tsubaki’s chest. Tsubaki lost any hesitation he might have had, arching instinctively into the other man and hovering his lips over Niles’s right ear.

“Make me feel it tomorrow, Niles of Nohr,” Tsubaki whispered low and rough, shocking himself with the audacity of his own words. Tsubaki followed up those daring words with kisses--hot, open-mouthed licks parting Niles’ own lips. Niles wordlessly shoved him towards his cot, pushing him down and laying atop him.

Tsubaki’s world caught fire. There was nothing more than Niles’s body, than Niles’s lips. There was nothing more than the moans wracking through the man on top of him, claiming him with teeth and nails and kisses that nearly drew blood. He knew he’d dared the other man to cross this line,  knew he wanted get Niles to respond, to kiss him, to hold him closer but this--

 _Nothing_ should be this good. He couldn’t even moan--Niles’s mouth was crushed to his, nearly stealing his breath, his entire body captive against the other man. He felt his back raked by Niles’s fingernails, lips teased hard by teeth, the other man’s tongue sliding over his, claiming. The only sounds that Tsubaki managed were a shuddering moan of pleasure in his throat then a muffled grunt when Niles tightened his hold and jerked Tsubaki against him to deepen the kiss even further. He realized that he was moving, hips awakened, driven by pure instinct--that he was so hard it was painful, and that his entire body was alight with the most powerful lust he had experienced in...when?

Had he ever felt so deliciously _animal_?

Tsubaki couldn’t even moan now--his mouth was too occupied with tasting Niles, his mind too full of each kiss, each dig of fingers into flesh, each scrape of teeth over skin or the sharp, bright press of tooth neck followed by the achingly soft skim of tongue...too much, not enough. All of it perfect.

He could barely think past the sound of blood rushing in his ears, slamming through his veins in time with his heartbeat while Niles slid those capable, clever hands over all of Tsubaki’s body. When Tsubaki thought that words might form on his tongue--offers of thanks, curses, praises--they were immediately chased away by Niles’s teeth to his skin, the hot slide of of the other man’s lean, tawny body over his own. Then, a kiss--rough, hungry, and claiming. Owning Tsubaki, unraveling what little was left of his tenuous composure. _Possessing_ him.

“Niles…” Tsubaki tried to speak but he found himself flipped over and breathless, his face crushed into the cot, the other man pressing down on him with focused, thorough strength. Any further words died on his tongue as Niles began to move over him, purposeful and relentless, mimicking what he hoped they would get to in earnest sooner than later.

_How can anything feel so damn good?_

“Ngh,” Tsubaki heard himself groan low in his chest. Niles only paused in his almost feral ministrations to kiss or even bite. To know what he was doing to the other man, to feel the raw power coursing through the limbs so readily and easily pinning him in place, to hear the growl of pleasure harsh in Niles’s normally controlled voice…Tsubaki arched as much as he could in this lover’s hold, back curved taut as a bow, fingers digging into bedding. He could feel himself trembling, adrenaline and pleasure mingling in a way that he had never dreamed he could feel.

“Now. I want you _now_ ,” he pleaded brokenly.

Niles complied.

Tsubaki would remember it as a blur of skin and grunts and harsh breath, of teeth and tongue and the deep, pounding ache of Niles’ very thorough attentions.The sky knight been pleasured front and back and everything in-between. He’d been _worshipped_. Niles made good on every filthy promise he’d made and every sweet praise he’d ever given the Hoshidan sky knight. Every movement of their bodies, every scrape of teeth or proprietary kiss--every moment was something he wanted to remember. Niles had worked punishingly to make him feel it--deep, rough, even at times achingly tender in his claiming. He was full, so full. He was covered in bruises, scratches and a mixture of sweat and other things, breathless with how thoroughly attentive and dominant Niles had been.

Tsubaki lay in a boneless heap, waves of pleasure still washing over him, sensation receding slowly into something less like a tidal wave and more a still lake. With some distance between them, he felt the coolness of the air inside the tent on his sensitive skin. Tsubaki’s ears rang, and his breath still surged roughly though the frenzied rise and fall of his chest was beginning to normalize. He looked up at Niles who skimmed one hand lightly over Tsubaki's shoulder. They were both utterly spent. Niles's silvery-white hair was tousled, his olive cheeks dark and eye wide, pupil blown. He was looking at Tsubaki with raw affection that shocked straight to the sky knight’s center.

_He is so beautiful. Broken but beautiful. Maybe like me?_

“Nobody has ever wanted me like this. Nobody has ever loved me,” Tsubaki murmured breathily against Niles’s ear before kissing him more softly than before. He smiled then collapsed onto the pillow, so tired his vision was blurring.

“I don’t know how. You’re perfect. You’re so damned perfect,” Niles said quietly, sounding more sincere than Tsubaki had ever heard him.

“No, I am not. But perhaps I am perfect for _you_ ,” Tsubaki replied, rolling over to wrap his legs and arms around Niles, their bodies flush, slick with oil and sweat that was finally cooling. “And you are perfect for me.”

Niles went still atop him, breath slow and peaceful. “Yeah. I like that...I love it. I love you, damn it all," he said, voice breaking.

Tsubaki sighed. “Good, because I love you too. You’re going to stay here until I’m done with you, though. You’re going to hold me, we’ll clean up, then we’re both going to visit Odin. You’ll not leave this tent, Niles of Nohr, until I’m ready...unless your liege has need of you?” Tsubaki heard the question in his own  voice, hoping against hope they had time to just be--for him to wrap his mind around what had happened.

“Oh, I’m entirely yours, Camellia. The moon basking in the light of the sun. I’m not going anywhere and...well, Odin will be glad things are better. The dolt,” Niles said, the corner of his mouth crooking in a grin.

“I am glad he will be glad. Enough of other men. Kiss me again, then hold me until I fall asleep, please,” Tsubaki said with his normal articulate grace, feeling like he was glowing from the inside out. Like the sun, beaming down upon the moon.

Like a man who had finally found love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, SO sorry this has taken so long. Life kicked my butt and kept kicking it and well, it's just so good to be writing again. <3 I hope you enjoy and thank the few people who have asked about this fic for your kind, gentle patience. You are wonderful and lovely!

**Author's Note:**

> I love this pairing so much...enough to drag me out of my not-writing slump. I adore the grudging admiration that develops between two men who seem so very different but really have more in common than they realize, the trust that grows over time, and how the supports feel to me like there really could be something more. I super-love aggressive Tsubaki and sometimes-submissive Niles, hehe. At times I am a little lazy with the lore, but I'm keeping as much as possible to the general spirit of the game events. I hope you enjoy this, and I hope to add chapters as time and real life allow! <3


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